dweeb dweeeeeb~

2009/12/11

so I have to get at least a AAB, then I am secured. If I get a AAA, I can get a scholarship. Wow. This is really screwed up.

Sometimes I hate how how the only thing that is constant is CHANGE.

Cliche, I know, but so true.

I bet you'll never know that you're the only person who after I read your blog I feel like crying.

These changes are good because they have broadened my horizons and let me be exposed to all the different cultures and experiences in life, but as one who tends to be sucked back into the past, sometimes I feel like I am living too many lives all at once. I turn into Bel when I'm with them but I am Ke En when I am with them and then I turn to Chris when I am with them.. All the different personalities, all the different catching up, all the differences now.

I no longer miss you, or you, or you, because what I miss, is what was... not what is.. I no longer know the new you..

and the new you does not really care anymore.

The drift is obvious, in more ways than one. In everyone. As usual, it stinks but I will get used to it. I miss things, how they were, but sometimes I wish I had not gone through it all. Maybe have a more normal life.

Maybe erase you from my database.

Nothing is normal.. is it? I cannot even cry in peace because you were the one who used to sit and emo with me, sit with me through my troubles.

I'm not a princess, This ain't a fairytale.

because all I feel is you hurting me.

It could have all been different.

Instead of thinking if you had asked, I would rather think what if you never opened the door that night.. What if Anju never talked to you... What if during Valentine I was just colder and ignored things.

I don't like how things turned out but I am supposed to be happy for you, aren't I? Right at this moment, I wish we never become friends. None of the friendships there seem to last. It was so real at that moment but just when I turned my back, it was all gone. It just hurts. I hate you right now. I really do. It comes from deep within the gut. I want to leave this blog, because I do not want you to read anything from my blog anymore.

I am cutting you off slowly. Perhaps you will not even notice it. =) Just slowly fade away and disappear. Goodbye.

&BelbeL signed off @9:38 PM

2009/12/10

Sometimes religion is a double edged sword.

Bleah.

&BelbeL signed off @11:04 PM

2009/12/07

Sometimes I wonder..

Does having a boyfriend mean the end of blogging?

I seem to see it in many friends..

It does make me wonder... does having a boyfriend really take up so much time and energy? Maybe it is in a pleasant way, but it does scare me that the point of blogging to many is a release or an outlet, or even to keep in touch with friends..

So having a boyfriend means losing all of this? Perhaps not entirely but slowly?

This is a scary thought, especially if one despises it but thinks one will be guilty of it one FINE day.

Daddy brought up the idea of twinning.

Perhaps it is meant to be a subtle threat, camouflaged under a joke, but I took it decently.

Doubt is starting to creep up on me and fear shrouding my thoughts... but I try to look at the bright side that I have a nice new house to live in.. if I do twinning.. and I will get to be with my family more.. At least another year.

My dear coco not as cute any more, but very smart and on her way to become a real DOG!

LOL...

I have decided not to blog about what I initially set out to..

and my attempt to change the blogskin has failed. BLEAH.

&BelbeL signed off @8:24 PM

2009/12/06

I would like to say I had the best day of this year, but it isn't true. It was a decent day wit ha few random disasters, including Nickolai's detour to Pavillion... A friend's sudden departure.. A letter received which I did not know until the 5th.

Here is a picture of the couples.

LOL... =)

We have very few pictures from that day/night and in all of them I look like a disaster. LOL..

Every birthday is a disaster or near one!

but here's when I went to Kayu when Jean, Nutty, Em and Steph had supper with me. =D Check out the super long Roti Tisu

But anyway, here are the most adorable cupcakes Emily and U Jean got for me. =D

This is the first one I ate

so I took a few pictures of it, the rest I just shared with my parents.

I guess it was always expected but I was hoping not to receive it so soon.. and yet I wanted to know. I received it on my birthday but only read it two days after (thankfully).

It was actually a really sweet letter, personal and really polite, nothing like those generic "apologies" but the disappointment stings.

Reading - AAB

Nottingham

Kings

~~LSE~~

~~Oxford~~

so two more offers to go..

Wish me luck...

&BelbeL signed off @4:18 PM

2009/12/05

Posting more videos of my darlings up to facebook. =)

I hope blogger has a App store application soon.

I don't really know what to blog about.

Toodles.

&BelbeL signed off @5:51 PM

2009/12/02

So I thought I should spend the last few hours of my 18th blogging about my feelings and sentiments.. As if I don't normally blog anyway... =P

It's been sometime since I blog, or so it feels because I have not been consistently blogging everyday. However, days have been great until today.

I must admit this day was completely ruined and I went into a fit. I tried calling RuiAnn but she did not pick up, but it cannot be helped since she is in Hong Kong and she did call on Tuesday =)
I tried calling Gracia but as usual I did not get to her. I was waiting for a few replies which never came. I tried calling TY who did not hear but ended up telling Steph to tell me he did not hear which pissed me off but it is only because I am pissed off already. And I took a chance and I got through to NyonNyon, bitch like crazy, must have looked deranged to Nutty, Steph and Tarsha, but I felt immensely better afterwards, and went into super tired mode and was very quiet..

I still feel a little off right now.. Seeing all those wishes? It kind of feels weird because it is not even my birthday yet. It IS weird.
and to all my friends who read my blog, just in case any of you commit (yes, COMMIT) this mistake that a friend of mine did,
I AM TURNING 19.
Not 18, not TWENTY.
but that is it from me, until Friday or something. =)
Hopefully tomorrow won't be as terrifying
because I won't have to see you. I wonder why I still bother with all you ppl and I wonder even more why you still affect me so.

&BelbeL signed off @10:41 PM

2009/11/26

Hi NyonNyon! =D

Apart from retarded facebook msgs such as "happy almost birthday"
which I think is totally retarded.. Life has pretty much been the same. =)
I got sore red eyes twice in a week but the first was not TOO bad so it faded by the time I was reaching college, but today's was a disaster. I was tearing throughout morning. =(

but I really want to say THANK YOU to Stephay and family for having me over, being super nice to me and all. =) Only one complaint, they were "too nice". LOL =)

Suddenly I miss the ALSCO people. Sure I still see them around, but we hardly have time to say anything apart from a greeting. The seniors have left and the juniors are ignoring us.. I do not know what is the matter.
The past few days in college, people have been meeting me and saying things such as "o, I didn't notice you." or "O I didn't realise it was you". Have I changed? OR a 1 month absence have erased my presence from people's minds? Neither seem particularly soothing.

I feel weird. I do not know why. I just want this nightmare to end. but I have no right to complain... I KNOW.

&BelbeL signed off @6:53 PM

2009/11/23

So I'm staying with stephay and potato was "protesting". LOL. I think someone is jealous! LOL XP
Furniture shopping has been horrifying and tiring but I think I finally have my bed frame and mattress settled. The bathroom cabinet and mirror are settled as well. ^-^
I like the sofa and coffee table and tv cabinet! So I hope we are settling on that. =) the one thing that I cannot decide on is the wardrobe. Should I get a 3-feet or 4-feet one? Hmm.. And when will it all finally look like a really nice cosy home? I'm excited!

And the other little stuff.. I miss coco and storm

&BelbeL signed off @12:49 PM

2009/11/20

I took a few more pictures but I am beyond lazy to upload them today since I have to connect the iPhone to the laptop.

I don't really know what to blog about,

but my CONGRATS to everyone who has finished their AS exams.

FINALLY! Right? =) Teehee, so a weekend of chilling out and it's back to college for Sunway A-level students. I am not sure how I am reacting to that yet. To be happy I am meeting most of my friends? Or to be upset I have to start waking up early and actually use my brain?

BLEAH.

The dance classes are going alright. As a co-teacher, yes, CO-TEACHER, I have stretched my patience thin with some students but several of them show potential. While some seem to be in fear constantly, some do not bother at all. Sigh. But I should be focusing on my performance with my mummy. I think it will be big. BLEAH. Truth be told, I am starting to get cold feet, ALREADY.

and Musical is starting, again? I am not too sure, but I intend to find out. =)

I need to pack stuff up again, clean up the new place, and the anticipation comes and fades along with apprehension, which reminds me that I have an injection due tomorrow. *yikes*

which also reminds me about Coco's first injection.

The vet came and it was raining cats and dogs.

My storm and the neighbour's Blackie were barking their heads off, but I was only interested in getting Coco out from the house. When I carried her, for the first time, she struggled and cried. She LOVES being held, but I suspect that the dogs warned her about the evil vet... Hence when the injection was administered, she practically WAILED.

lol... Coco is just adorable la. =)

and Storm displayed her hatred for the vet blatantly.

I love my babies.

Even though Coco bit my palm and left a HOLE (small but deep enough). Sigh.

I'm crazy

&BelbeL signed off @7:53 PM

2009/11/19

I was craving for something to eat and my parents took me to Secret Recipe and we had nice cakes.

Tiramisu with flat white coffee for daddy