One of my favourite people in the hall.
I love you always!
Our time as SC will be fond memories,
now,
later,
forever. =)
I wish you all the best (AGAIN)
and pray that no matter what,
you'll enjoy yourself in UK.
Don't forget the rest of us,
alright?
*hugs always*
God Bless you! =D

One of my favourite junior/senior!
Younger than me by age,
younger than me by academic years,
more senior than me in terms of years in Singapore,
Yee Won,
or more fondly addressed as....
NYONNYON!!!!
=D
You look really pretty for ASEAN dance.
I love the eye make up.
Thanksgiving?
You look really sweet.
See?
The picture is PROOF!
I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOTS AND LOTS! =D

One of the seniors who have been with me for really long.
=)
Since my first year here,
Tiwi has been my good senior!
YAY!
I like her a lot!
=D
She'll always be respected and loved by all her juniors!
=D
Ci Tiwi!
Yay! =D

Thanksgiving was nice.
I have a lot of pictures with a lot of people,
I will try to get them.
=)
Thanks for the memories everyone.

Am I really stuck in my own world?
What if I'm not ready to grow up?
I'm scared...
I don't want to get hurt..

Just finished updating music in my phone.
Turning phone back to normal mode,
and trying to call my juniors.
I want to see all of them pretty things! =D

Went to see them,
which is why this blog post is like.. in a span of...... a few hours.

On my way back,
went to sing CF songs with Je A and Bernie.
=D
It's really nice.
They will be leading worship,
singing
"Above All"
"Pass It on"
and one other song that we kept practising but I can't seem to recall the name..

All the songs that I like! =D
Yay!
I like! =D

Hehe.
Out to dinner with Grace!
Will update everything later. =)
I'm missing things.

Dinner was good!
Although it was more of snack and dessert for me. =P
Stevenn!
*patpat*
=D

Met KC and Matt before I went out.
Both of them looked 0.0 tonight.
Must be super stoned.
Lol.
I guess they will be excuse because one's sick,
the other is tired.

NYDC trips = all with Grace.
I'm going to miss THAT WOMAN!
Lol.
Thanksgiving tomorrow.
I know I'm being paranoid,
but what if it really is my....
I'll just enjoy myself.
Even her presence will not stop me.
If anything,
Grace's presence will brighten the night. =D

Uploading pictures on facebook!
Can go check it out. =D

I can't believe this.
I went to Ron's friendster.
There are like... 64 pictures of our class.
Guess what.
I'm not in any of them.
At all.
Am I really absent that often?

I can't believe I was not there for Mr Foo's farewell.
I can't believe there was not a single picture...
I can't believe I didn't sign in the card.

OMG.
I feel like shit.
I can't even talk to Tim on the phone properly.
Freak.
I can feel the tears drowning my eyeballs.
I hate myself.
This is all my fault.

Christabel is feeling blur.
=)
As usual,
but she's hyper today.
And certain people know why. =)

I'm so.. in...
=)
=D

Anyway,
PRAVEENA!!!!
You know Kushi!!!!!!!!!
OMG!!!!
I used to be her roomie!
and we always talked crap!
=D
I'll act like a bimbo
and her a gangster!
OMG!
=D
This is a small world indeed!
=D

Will you let me be there?

I'm very glad tat u care...like a God-sent angel...
I'm so glad....
Just glad to hear that...
You don't know how much,
it means...
to hear you say that....

An angel...
I want to be your angel...
Bothing but the angel,
to protect you always..
Never letting anything hurt you....
Never letting anyone harm you...
I want to be there....
Right next to you..
Protecting you always..

Just to be an angel..
No one's angel but yours...
I like you so much,
it hurts me a lot,
to see you... in pain....
Can't you tell?
I don't want anything except to be there for you...
Please let me be there.
Please let me be there..
Please let me be your angel..

I said I want to get over you, but I'm just lying to myself. I wish you were a little like him, that you can just be you, without all the responsibilities. Perhaps something could have happened.. =)

Okay.
So maybe this is not the best time to blog,
20 minutes before my Open BookTest(OBT) on Vectors,
but well...
I am blogging already...
so.. =P

I was supposed to meet my tutor thanks to my atrocious 5/30 Lecture test marks.
When I went to look for him after my PE theory test,
(I was excused from 2.4 today due to the dry cough,
but I'll be taking it in Term 4, first PE)
he was really nice about it,
because I can do it in the self-test.
Hohoho...
Thanks Matt.
Thanks Jun.
Seriously.
Saved my neck.
I can't stand APGP, Summations, MOD when it's in word form....
Why can't they just....
Aish..
Nevermind.

I'm scared I'll screw my vectors test up.
All the teachers are worried about my constant disappearance.

CT is just... annoying.
My immune IS like that,
I know you are worried,
but there are nicer ways of talking,
it's called... charisma.
Seriously.
At least all my classmates don't like the CT anyway.

I like my Phy, Chem teachers.
They are really nice.
To my dearest Chem teacher,
I'm sorry I was absent,
and I know you get pretty worried about absenties,
but I'll work hard for your subject. =)
I'm still scared of my maths tutor,
partly because I keep lagging behind..
The more they teach,
the faster I lag...

To my dearest you,
I don't know what to say to you anymore.
It's hard,
I know,
but we simply have to make the best out of things.
It's good that you are always so cheerful,
so...."bo chap",
but....
yeah...
=)
You are the closest friend I have in NY,
and I just want you to know that,
in case..
I really don't make it end of this year.
I know they say if you prepare a back-up plan,
it's almost certain you will go down that path instead...
I don't know whether I secretly want to...
because I don't see myself coping well with ....
all the stuff they are teaching...
Of course I will not want to bid farewell so soon,
but I think it's better to be mentally prepared.
=)
Don't stress too much,
and some things just have to come after academics, okay?
because we are scholars.
because this is what we have come to Singapore for.
Don't forget that.

Matt,
thanks for all the help eh.
=)
I...
still need more help.
LOL!!!!
Okay.. came out a little wrong.
hahaha.
=P
Cya later la! =D

I know it's normal to be stressed,
but I'm...
so stressed that I'm not stressed anymore..
It's ironic,
like how NyonNyon is so stressed out about how she's NOT stressed!
It's the same thing.
I'm starting to adopt the "heck" attitude,
and I don't like it.
Sometimes,
when it's all uncovered,
there seems to be a hurricane hiding underneath.
What's happening to all of us?

Sigh.
Oh yes.
To RuiAnn,
KC,
me,
Zoe,
Mr Jan,
(anyone else......)
yeah. anyone else who I've missed out and is sick,
please...
GET WELL SOON!!!!!!!! =)

Mugging for Maths.

Labels: maths, sick, teachers, test, vectors

I don't know if her blog post was for me...
but I'm not....
Aish.
Paranoia taking over.
for more than one issue.

The smell of rain
At the end of this story, it gives you two options. I think you will figure out what option I chose.
A cold March wind danced around the dead of night in Dallas as the doctor walked into the small hospital room of Diana Blessing. She was still groggy from surgery.

Her husband, David, held her hand as they braced themselves for the latest news.
That afternoon of March 10, 1991 , complications had forced Diana, only 24-weeks pregnant, to undergo an emergency Cesarean to deliver couple's new daughter, Dana Lu Blessing.



At 12 inches long and weighing only one pound nine ounces, they already knew she was perilously premature.

Still, the doctor's soft words dropp ed like bombs.

'I don't think she's going to make it,' he said, as kindly as he could.

'There's only a 10-percent chance she will live through the night, and even then, if by some slim chance she does make it, her future could be a very cruel one'



Numb with disbelief, David and Diana listened as the doctor described the devastating problems Dana would likely face if she survived.



She would never walk, she would never talk, she would probably be blind, and she would certainly be prone to other catastrophic conditions from cerebral palsy to complete mental retardation, and on and on.



'No! No!' was all Diana could say.

She and David, with their 5-year-old son Dustin, had long dreamed of the day they would have a daughter to become a family of four.

Now, within a matter of hours, that dream was slipping away


But as those first days passed, a new agony set in for David and Diana. Because Dana's underdeveloped nervous system was essentially 'raw', the lightest kiss or caress only intensified her discomfort, so they couldn't even cradle their tiny baby girl against their chests to offer the strength of their love.

All they could do, as Dana struggled alone beneath the ultraviolet light in the tangle of tubes and wires, was to pray that God would stay close to their precious little girl.

There was never a moment when Dana suddenly grew stronger.



But as the weeks went by, she did slowly gain an ounce of weight here and an ounce of strength there.


At last, when Dana turned two months old. her parents were able to hold her in their arms for the very first time.





And two months later, though doctors continued to gently but grimly warn that her chances of surviving, much less living any kind of normal life, were next to zero, Dana went home from the hospital, just as her mother had predicted.


Five years later, when Dana was a petite but feisty young girl with glittering gray eyes and an unquenchable zest for life.


She showed no signs whatsoever of any mental or physical impairment. Simply, she was everything a little girl can be and more. But that happy ending is far from the end of her story.


One blistering afternoon in the summer of 1996 near her home in Irving , Texas , Dana was sitting in her mother's lap in the bleachers of a local ball park where her brother Dustin's baseball team was practicing.

As always, Dana was chattering nonstop with her mother and several other adults sitting nearby when she suddenly fell silent Hugging her arms across her chest, little Dana asked, 'Do you smell that?'


Smelling the air and detecting the approach of ! a thunderstorm, Diana replied, 'Yes, it smells like rain.'

Dana closed her eyes and again asked, 'Do you smell that?'


Once again, her mother replied, 'Yes, I think we're about to get wet. It smells like rain.'

Still caught in the moment, Dana shook her head, patted her thin shoulders with her small hands and loudly announced,
'No, it smells like Him.


It smells like God when you lay your head on His chest.'

Tears blurred Diana's eyes as Dana happily hopped down to play with the other children.
Before the rains came, her daughter's words confirmed what Diana and all the members of the extended Blessing family had known, at least in their hearts, all along.


During those long days and nights of her first two months of her life, when her nerves were too sensitive for them to touch her, God was holding Dana on His chest and it is His loving scent that she remembers so well.


You now have 1 of 2 choices. You can either pass this on and let other people catch the chills like you did or you can delete this and act like it didn't touch your heart like it did mine.

IT'S YOUR CALL!

'I can do all things in Him who strengthens me'

This morning when the Lord opened a window to Heaven, He saw me, and He asked: 'My child, what is your greatest wish for today?' I responded:
'Lord please, take care of the person who is reading this message, their family and their special friends. They deserve it and I love them very much' The love of God is like the ocean, you can see its beginning, but not its end.
________________________
This message works on the day you receive it. Let us see if it is true. _____________

ANGELS EXIST but some times, since they don't all have wings, we call them FRIENDS.

This is sweet.
It gave me chills all over
I like like like like like it.
Anyway,
shocking news.
I didn't blog/online yesterday.
Have to do PW, Physics and MAths d.
Going to in 5.
Should I usher?

I get how you feel RJ.
Seriously.
Every so often,
I fall back to it,
all over again.

I realised I managed to blog once a day for the past few days..
past FEW days..
Lol...
Not today though..

Came back late for Assembly.
Meal was not packed,
and I was really disappointed with OH...
I wish this won't happen again...
It's just... inefficient communication...
Select's fault actually..
but anyway,
had food!!
Small, tiny dinner,
but dinner nevertheless.
Thank you.
=)
I realise,
you are always providing food for me.
Making me piggish.
Lol.

Thought I lost my umbrella,
but found out that Jessica helped me take when she went to collect hers,
after Mr Herwin's "go and take, if not I'll throw them away"announcement.
I totally panicked when I didn't see it when I check in Dining hall,
so I went up to office to ask,
then went down to check again,
then called Mr Herwin to enquire,
and checked with the Select staff as well...
Sigh.
Long day.

O..forgot to blog about badminton!!
Lol.
Matt, KC and I finally had our long-awaited exercise.
We didn't get to play tennis,
but something I prefer!
Badminton!!!! =D
Hahaha.
Today's game was less scary than last week.
Although I was against the Seram guy.
Plus,
there was Xian Ming,
who I was really freaking out about,
because I thought I was embarrassingly bad.
But as it goes,
I AM embarrassingly bad,
but....... it's okay la.
Lol.
=P
I'm quite thick-skinned.
=P
Played a lot with Matt,
and I got quite worn out.
Will sleep well tonight.
=)

Nothing much happened la.
It's just the urge to blog,
and say thanks to all who have brightened up my day.
=)

Can't wait for thanksgiving.
It'll be an event worthy of CAMWHORING!
Yay!!! =D
Lol.

After thanksgiving,
I'll be super tired.
And the mugging will officially commence.
Sigh.
Thinking of mugging tires me out.
Still writing my AQ.....
BLEARGH!!!!

I find it a little funny,
that Gabriel went to my other blog,
and tagged there...
Wondering why I never updated.
Lol....
Wrong blog!!!!!
=P

=)
Shall link him later.

KC is sick.
Get well soon!!
*patpat*
Drink water!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aiyo.
Who doesn't drink water?!?!

Anyway,
Trying to do my physics tuition homework.
But before that,
shall post pictures!!!!


J U M P!!!!!
Jesus You Must Praise!!!!
YAY!!!!! =D
It's nice!!!!
I was glad I went although I felt super lazy too.
It was a little sad that Ms Cheryl, Asher, Zoe, Ms Sharon didn't come,
but it was a first time for Gabriel and I.
I was glad I managed to pursuade him,
because Aylwin and Tim came super late.
=)
Saw fireworks too!
My version is pretty cool..
will upload the video when possible.
Matt's lappie, Mine, NyonNyon's.
Unfortunately,
they are all black.
and..the only striking thing here,
is Matt and his ORANGE shirt!! =D
=P
Gracia and me,
at Novena Medical Centre. =)
Yellow house "bullying" white house. =D
Aylwin,
being retarded. =P

My super duper cute poster!
I'm in love with this lil doggie.
He's not just A dog,
he's my lil poster dog! =D

Plus, a totally random picture,
taken just at my window.
=)
IT was drizzling when I took the picture,
but the sky still looks so pretty. =)
Isn't nature just amazing?
Even that doggie is part of nature,
part of God's BRILLIANT creation.

Fireworks!!!
Must watch till the end!!! =D
I think the tree adds on a super cool effect. =D

$29.45 - Overdue payment
$74.53 - This month's bill
$103.98 - The horrendous Grand Total.

I'm so screwed.
That's... sigh.
Where am I going to get the money?

Aish.
I hate phone bills.
It's the one thing I can never...
control well enough.
I sms too much,
but whenever I am bored,
it's the first thing I am inclined to do.
HOW?!?!?!?!?!!?
Eeesh.
I sent a total 1488 sms.
It's not THAT many sms,
but seeing that I have only 1000 free,
and I had to pay for the rest,
it's a fair bit.
Sigh.

Okay.
Self control.
Self control.
I wish it would stop drizzling.
Any other day,
it would have been nice.
I like the rain,
but today,
no indoor games are possible since the courts are not opened,
and I can't play tennis (KC's idea, Matt and my idea now. lol)
I can't swim.
I can't run.
and I'm dying of low energy level.
Sigh.

I'm disappointed I did not go shopping with My Linh.
Aish.
but I guess it cannot be helped.
Parents coming next Sunday.
I can't wait.
Will be all alone tonight.
Will anyone like to rescue me from my boredom and isolation?

Yesterday's event was great.
I enjoyed myself,
and Praise the Lord! =D
Jesus You Must Praise! =D

I managed to use the school's wireless!
Yippee! =D
The only thing is that...
I can't seem to log in with my own username and password.
I could use it with my friend's username and password!
I like!!!
=D
Thanks Vanessa.
=D

Anyway,
feeling...
tired and to a certain extent,
bored.
PW meeting.
What was I expecting?
Sigh.

This is one of the few weeks in the year that I don't go..
TGIF!!!!!
because today is a long, hectic day.

Anyway,
Happy belated birthday to
Ms Friska,
Tracey,
Starsky (although we conversed... once?)

Happy Birthday to
Ms Gan Ann
Kristyn dearest! <1+2!

So many birthdays....

I can't wait for mine too!! =P

Blogging tomorrow.
Doubt I have time later to update.

I love my poster.
=P

PW now.
later people! =D

Sometimes,
tags make me feel warm and fuzzy,
all the friends,
that you may not have had time to catch up,
bothered to leave you a short note.
It's sweet.

Of course,
all this when I'm not feeling stressed and mad at the whole world...
Lol...

Everyone's going hiatus on their blog.
Gracia, NyonNyon...

Matt's blog is really.. long winded..
and difficult to read.
Lol.
Not like mine!
Just full of crap and rants.

KC's blog..
is half dead,
sigh.
I'm so bored.

Gracia's right.
If one day,
everyone stopped blogging,
I think I'll die because I can't blog,
and die from the fact that I cannot blog hop.

Blogging,
and clearing my room at the same time.
Feels nice that I can see my table top again!
Lol...
=P

I realise..
I have no idea,
how I'm going to pack all these,
into 3 boxes at the end of this year..
Well,
I guess I'll manage.
Somehow.

I like New Urban Male stuff,
but the price is ATROCIOUS!
Seriously.

I love my crumpler.
Like my toys.
=)
I like the new poster I bought!
Shall try and upload a picture of it.
Super cute.
Anyone has a tiny bit of blue tack to spare?
I don't really want to buy because I don't want to collect and accumulate more stuff...
(excuses, I know)

I realise I have many clocks.
=P

Parents coming down soon.
I'm real glad and excited.
Gotta get down to hard work....
Exams coming up.
I'm scared.

Starting to talk crap,
I'll go pack somemore.

Just went to Ms Sharon's facebook.
She has really nice pictures!!!! =D
Those without anyone's face,
just.. nature or random things.
=)
Nice!! =D

I can really see my table.
I like it.
It's so clean.
I shall go and have a nice, long shower now.
Feeling good about stuff today.
I shall attempt to get an A for Lit,
I know I'm ambitious,
but then again.
You'll never know until you try.

Aims.
C - Physics
C - Chemistry
C - Mathematics
A - Literature
B - General Paper
A - Project Work

Aims are achievable goals to me!
While my dream is to get Straight A's.
Lol.
=P
I'm going to jia you!

No more skipping.
I'm going everyday.
Only 6 more days of school till the short break.
I can do this.

word of the day:
Bruit.
Bet you thought it was typo.
Lol.

Bruit = to report, to voice abroad

Wants : Cotton On shortS, t-shirts, slippers and shoes!

Hmm.
Took a few songs from Yong Liang.
I like some of them,
but not all.
I guess we have rather different tastes...
in music. =)

Anyway,
today something really stupid happened.
It hasn't been a good day...
but weather is really pleasant,
perfect for sleeping.

I went to school early with Jun,
and got help for Maths.
THANK!!! =D
Haven't finished,
but did 2 our of 4.
Handing it up tomorrow. =)
Maths tutorial was not bad,
because he didn't single me out for anything,
but I didn't understand vectors (lines and planes)
which sent me into another panic and attack and frenzy...
I had one last night,
and it took three people,
Sultan and Jun on MSN,
Gracia on the phone,
to calm me down.
Sigh.
I can't get XiuLing to help either.
Everyone's so busy,
I don't know how...
It's not like last year when I could ask a friend...
I don't think it's very nice because he's so busy as well.
Aish.
Nevermind,
when there's a will there's a way!

Finished SPA,
it was not bad.
I hope I got my Level8....

Anyway,
things happened in GP lecture.
I made it through the lecture fine,
although I was so scared most of the time,
like everyone else I presume..
I was about to text Gracia about what happened,
but thought I was too evil,
gloating to a certain extent,
and wondering about the great irony of it all.
(ask me personally!)
=)
Of course,
that was before the last 5 minutes,
when she was talking about how Malaysia raised "Energy" prices.
(oil prices)
and it contributed to the loss in election.
(topic for the day was to do with environment and economic)
Then Yong Liang talked to me abit about the politics in Malaysia.
It was just the second sentence,
and I was still highlighting what PM Lee had to propose,
when Sultan(sitting on my left) hit my arm.
So I thought he was being nuts,
so I hit him back.
That was when I heard...
"Who are the two guys behind talking?"
So.. I just ignored it.. and continued to finish highlighting what PM Lee had to say..
Until I sat up because... just because.
Then Madam went,
"O.. Christabel! You are always not in school,
but when you come,
you decide to talk during my lecture."
I was rather.. shocked.
I didn't expect to be caught.
I wanted to laugh,
for a stupid reason.
I just felt like..
"OPPS! She meant me! from the start! I'm so blur I didn't realise!"
and the "guilt" made me want to laugh too..
for some reason..
I think something went wrong (short-circuited) in my brain..
Anyway,
just before that,
she was explaining how conclusions,
must have reasons,
consequences and implications.
So she said,
"for talking during my lecture,
the consequence is you will be publicly humiliated (yes, everyone was GAWKING)
and the implication is a 250-word essay on "Save the environment"."
I was....
shocked still.

First,
I never knew she realised my absence.
Second,
I felt bad.
Third,
I was a bit freaked about the essay.
It was weird,
but when everyone GAWKED at me,
oh yes... I did attract attention to myself instead of the guy next to me,
because she DIRECTLY addressed me,
and called Yong Liang some other weird name....... (she doesn't know his name)
and she asked me to repeat what she just said..
so I said "I'm still highlighting what PM Lee had to say about this issue"
and she rolled her eyes and said..
"That was five minutes ago!"
I could have sworn (but apparently not supposed to swear)
that it was 5 seconds ago!
but oh well...
It was my fault,
and it was just funny to get caught talking,
when I was listening,
and not paying attention to her.

Sheesh.
I feel so dumb now.
I probably left a super bad impression on her.
I finished my essay and submitted it already.
I hope it is alright.
=P

Assembly was on Animals.
And citizenship,
but I'm more interested in the Animals part.
SPCA had a short video.
Their selling stuff tomorrow,
I'll probably go buy.
=)
Just to support.
Then there was a video on...
illegal wildlife trading.
It was a really sad video.
Quite upsetting.
I miss my dearest Storm.
I hope she's fine.
No one at home to look after her now.
Parents in Redang.
I hope they are having fun. =)

What Ms Mag said,
affected me quite a bit.
Why is everyone preaching the same thing?
Sigh.
I don't know la.
Can't someone be homesick even after being her for the third year?

Labels: GP lecture, letter from satan, prayer

Mr A's right.
People get it once in a while.
It's normal....
But an entire year?

Before it was brought up,
deep down I knew,
but I guess I just buried it,
and none of my juniors dared to say anything anyway...
I've changed.
That's why this is no longer home.
It's not the AHMs....
It's not the place,
it's simply me.
They became stricter,
they became more rigid,
that's only in my opinion,
because until today,
I have never said it out loud,
I have a bad attitude towards things.

I don't know what happened to the girl who would have stood up for what was right,
I don't know what happened...
but I know that there's only a bitter girl in place,
regretting her decisions,
wanting to run away.

I don't know how to do my Maths.
and SPA is tomorrow.
I'm freaked out.
and yet I cannot concentrate,
not after the two talks.
I'm quite tired.

After so long,
so much time it took me to bury everything deep under,
and look alright again,
we had to have this stupid talk.
Fine.
It's all uncovered again.
"Don't give up"
It's easier said than done.
I don't want to give up,
because I cannot do this to my parents.
but I feel that even if I don't give up,
I won't make it anyway..

The mind is a very powerful thing.
What you believe in,
will affect everything that happens.
If you don't believe in yourself,
you have lost more than half the race.
It's not that I don't believe,
I have zero faith in myself right now.
Surrender it all up to Him?
I'm trying...
I'm really trying...
but I can't even do that OnE thing properly.

"It's not by chance or coincidence that you are here"..
Maybe God sent me here to learn how failure tastes like...
I don't know.
Neither do you.
Right?

It's just hard to keep telling yourself you can,
when deep down,
you believe otherwise.
I've never been smart.
I've never been that great in studies over here.

Prolonged anxiety and depression.
Too bad,
I guess.

I was about to post about Phelps,
about Olympics,
about my disappointment in not seeing Khanh,
in my confusion about Matt's tag,
then I saw that tag.....

KC's Prof is the FOUNDER of PW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
I think I promised to kill that guy if I ever meet him!!!!
I better not go to NIE...
Lol....
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cannot believe this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That person is still alive!
and around!!!!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!
The cause of all our misery!
Just there!!!
Yucks!

I have to go through WR all over again.
EOM needs to be tidied up as well.
Sigh.
Tiring.

Nothing much to blog anymore.
Mood a little disrupted.
Shall blog tonight,
if I have time.
Tomorrow is... a helluva day.

Okay.
Last post for today.
I definitely blog too often.

I'm waking up earlier from now on.
Must NOT go to school with Zack as far as possible,
because I am inclined to NOT go when I hear... evil thoughts.
Lol...

This post,
is solely dedicated to a little friend!!!!

HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY Zoe!!!! =D
She's super cute.
Just had a haircut the other day.
=)
Still daos me,
but it's okay.
She's too cute..
Lol...

Reading RJ's blog,
and listening to songs on Louis's blog..
I want to blog first,
before I restart on my Maths tutorials.

Inability to cope,
desire to leave.
Is it really homesick?
Or am I just weak and looking for excuses?
Like what RJ said...
Stopping to think,
stopping to ponder,
makes life so much more interesting and beautiful.
That is one of the main reasons why I like Botanics Garden so much.
Not only am I surrounded by Nature,
not only am I next to someone I like
(I always go with people I'm close to =) )
I like to reflect and think there.
It is just so peaceful..
Too much reflection,
however,
probably makes one...
lazy?
I don't know.

I dislike this...
dejected feeling.
I was so determined.
I didn't think my determination could be so easily waivered.
So easily swayed.

After talking to Stevenn,
I realised...
perhaps to stop all this,
is to believe in myself,
and to stop being so hard on myself...
Stop expecting myself to live up to every single expectation,
stop thinking I have to behave a certain way,
stop thinking that I must meet this criteria,
stop worrying about disappointing others,
giving myself a chance to stand up,
giving myself an opportunity to learn from all these mistakes..
When I'm angry at you,
I'm twice as angry at myself.
Why?
because I let you get to me.
When I'm disappointed in my friend,
I'm twice as disappointed in myself.
Why?
because I expect too much in return.
When I'm disappointed things happen in a certain way,
I'm twice as disappointed in myself.
Why?
because I cannot surrender it all to Him,
choosing to dwell in it instead...
When I'm upset because my friend wants to be your friend,
I'm twice as upset at myself.
Why?
because I'm so selfish that I don't even want to share my friends..
that I cannot bear the thought of it..

Dramatic?
Yes.
I am.
I know I am.
because everytime I feel a certain way about something,
I will discover a flaw within me.
Like how when authorities are difficult,
I think I am at fault,
not able to adapt,
not able to accept,
not able to submit...

Sigh.
every complaint I've ever made?
Usually boils down to myself being at fault.

Stevenn's right.
When will I stop punishing myself?
When will I let things go and live on.
When will I learn that no one is perfect,
least of all,
me.
My mum's right.
I can't accept my faults.
I can't bear defeat and losses.

I pray that the Lord, our God,
will hear my humble prayer,
that He who is all powerful and all knowing,
will be able to grant me the wisdom,
peace, determination and ability,
to surrender all,
regardless good or bad,
to Him.
Not letting my faith shake or waiver,
I pray that Father,
even though I know it well,
that You will be by my side through this all,
that I may be mould and shaped as You wish.
That Father,
You will,
restore the peace in this heart,
in this heart which has lost its peace for months...
that You will take the anger away,
and replace it with understanding,
wisdom and love.
That You will forgive,
forgive the sheep that has strayed..
and welcome it back..
Lord,
I do not ask for much,
but for You to be with me through this.
All this,
I pray,
in Jesus's most precious name.
Amen.

Tears clouding my vision.
Finally.
I feel a sense of release...

Reached the gate of NY,
and turned back.
Why?
Because I couldn't fight the temptation.
Because I felt I had a more "valid" reason than usual.

Got medication for my Sinus (finally!)
been dying for a few days,
and some painkillers for my stupid tooth.
The 4th is finally emerging.
Sigh.
Why now?
Why not when I'm... 20?

Anyway,
apart from lame, retarded stuff..
Thanks,
for talking to me in the wee hours of the morning.
I managed to sleep at 2am.
=)
Still trying to find other ways
(or other people to talk to)
so that I can cure my temporary insomnia.

Tired.
and cranky.
But I'm not going to sleep.
For fear of not being able to doze off tonight.
Will just go study and all.

Word of the day : Twilight

1.	the soft, diffused light from the sky when the sun is below the horizon, either from daybreak to sunrise or, more commonly, from sunset to nightfall.

2.	the period in the morning or, more commonly, in the evening during which this light prevails.

3.	a terminal period, esp. after full development, success, etc.: the twilight of his life.

4.	a state of uncertainty, vagueness, or gloom.

Hmm... so that picture,
it was twilight. =)
I always thought twilight's definition.. is the less common one. =P


Other pictures I took the other day.



I find it a little funny,
that two pictures,
taken at the same bus stop,
of slightly different angles,
produced very different images.
To me,
the road,
cab,
builings behind spoilt the scenery,
whereas the small little sign in the first picture,
can be ignored.
I prefer the first picture. =)



Oldham Hall.
Taken on the same day,
difference of a few hours.
I like the sky colours of both pictures.
=)
I think Mother Nature is so impressive.

As usual,
the study room pc deleted my file.
Sigh.

I blogged too late,
so..
it's gone.

I'm glad,
I don't need to stop myself anymore.
It's not there.
So I guess I can say "thank goodness".

All the anger has ...evaporated.
but don't worry,
anger can be created instantaneously.
It's draining.
After SCREAMING like 5 times last night,
I felt the effects.
Slept at 4am,
woke up at 1030am.
My internal biological clock is fixed at that time.
I wish it can be earlier though..

Anger.
It's a stronghold.
Fine.
So my faith and self-discipline is not strong enough.
I'm too weak to surrender myself completely.
Fine.
I'll find a "valid reason".
Since God has a purpose for each one of us,
and that nothing is ever a mistake,
but all part of His big plan,
maybe ...
Just a big maybe,
I can see it in a different way.
You,
are a sin.
Not sins,
but sin,
the root.
So,
by hating you,
and despicing you,
I am despicing sin.
There's nothing wrong with that.
Plus,
God put you here,
to let everyone learn.
Everyone can learn their parts,
I learnt mine.
=)
I should not dwell in hatred,
and if I have ever hated anyone,
it has to be you.
Even cockroaches and creepy crawlies are not as loathsome as you are.

All this anger?
They are definitely bad for my health.
I think I'm going to get high blood pressure someday.
Sigh.
No one to blame,
but my own lack of self-control.

Every single sarcastic comment,
every single jibe,
every single tease,
they are not funny.
They are downright CRUEL.
but I should ignore them,
because you are sin.
Everytime you say something,
I have to just smile,
and not let it get to me,
try my hardest to let it pass..
be the "bigger person" who takes all the sh*t.
Enough is enough.
How old are you?
It's time to learn.
It's worse for me to keep it in,
and keep a smile on my face.
Maybe I'm feeling angry and downright rash now,
but the next time this happens,
I'm not containing it anymore.
It's bad for my health.
I don't want to be the one taking it,
you can have a taste of your own medicine.

Attention.
That's what you want?
I'll give you attention.
Just don't regret it.

It'll be better
(to me)
if you just disappear from this world.

Be friends?
Hahaha.
People change their minds.
I'm not too proud to admit I made a mistake,
that I was wrong.
I don't want to be friends.
I don't even want to say that I know you.
We will leave it at that.
Don't talk to me.
Don't greet me.
Don't TOUCH me.
The next time you do,
I'll slap your face.
How could I have been so blind?
I'm learning from my mistakes.
and I'm putting you behind my life.

*I'm sorry Bobby and Cheng Feng...
Thanks Gracia.. I'll buy you a hearing aid if you ever need it.....*

Labels: hate for sin

Wow.
Blogger dashboard has a whole new look! =D
I think I'll revert my font back to normal.
Although I like it a lot,
my readers seem to....
have.. problems with it.
Lol.
It is quite hard to read actually.

Emo stuff out of the way first,
because I promise this must be a happy post. =)

When I first heard the suspicion,
I did the only think I could think of,
pray...
Although I have problems praying properly,
I still pray.. for certain issues.
I prayed,
I still pray,
that it will be a glitch.
It won't really happen.
When it was confirmed,
I didn't really know what to do..
I still don't know what to do,
except to try and be a good friend.
What if it's not enough?
Sigh.
You know you have all of us, okay?
I don't understand why this is happening,
I don't know what can be done,
but I know that we will continue to hope and pray..
You'll stay on,
don't worry.
We'll fight for you. =)

How often fo we actually stop and be thankful about everything around us?
Ranging from our family, monetary issues,
and even the simple clean toilets...
Enough food to eat..
It's hard to always give thanks and praise the Lord and be thankful,
but life is that much better when you look at it from a different angle.
I think I'm too blessed,
that I don't remember to be thankful,
that I feel undeserving of it,
that I wish all my friends and everyone I know can be as lucky as me..

I promise this to be a happy post (to myself)
but nowadays,
blogging,
which is reflecting for me,
just makes me want to cry..
The older we get,
the more issues we are burdened with.
Why all the drama..
I wonder..
Which reminds me,
there's a film fest coming up in NY,
anyone interested?
Next Monday 7pm $4.
Do contact me
Thanks.

Oh..
word of the day,
profound.

1.penetrating or entering deeply into subjects of thought or knowledge; having deep insight or understanding: a profound thinker.
2.originating in or penetrating to the depths of one's being; profound grief.
3.being or going far beneath what is superficial, external, or obvious: profound insight.
4.of deep meaning; of great and broadly inclusive significance: a profound book.
5.pervasive or intense; thorough; complete: a profound silence.
6.extending, situated, or originating far down, or far beneath the surface: the profound depths of the ocean.
7.low: a profound bow.
8.deep. –noun Literary.
9.something that is profound.
10the deep sea; ocean.
11.depth; abyss.

=)

I looked at the sky again today.
It's a clear blue,
with specks of clouds..
It's really nice and clear,
that I can sit and stare at it forever..
Pictures of yesterday's sky colours cannotbe uploaded yet,
but I promise they'll be up!
The sky is so pretty
I love the different colours it always changes to..
Plus,
the clouds are just so cute! =D
Man-made objects such as buildings,
skyscrapers,
would be nothing if not for the scenery behind,
if not for the beautiful sky..
Imagine a building,
out of nowhere..
in complete darkness...
You won't be able to see the building for the lack of sunlight,
which is nature yet again.
No matter what,
we humans always turn back to Mother Nature for comfort,
for beauty,
because we were created this way.

When I'm feeling down,
or need a little boost,
I like the Botanics Garden.
I prefer the ocean, the sea, to greens,
because I love the sound of waves..
and one of my favourite stories,
about footprints on the seashore is near the sea. =)
The starfish story too.
=)

Sometimes,
all we need to be is thankful to see how beautiful our world is.

Labels: prayer, profound, sky, thanksgiving

My parents just called.
They seriously are the best.
Even though we may fight sometimes,
more like quarrels,
but I'll never trade my parents for even.... Kings or Queens.
They are simply the best,
and I believe they are one of God's greatest blessings to me. =)

I really don't like the country
Yucks.

I forgot to mention,
I got quite affected by Matt's blog too...
About the whole lip-synching thing.
I think I've spelt it wrongly.
But ah well...
Sigh.

All God's creations are beautiful.

I was just telling Angeline the other day,
how in Secondary3,
when I was first FORMALLY introduced to this,
I didn't know how to react.
And our dear friend KC,
who was a boarder then,
was in charge of my CF group (then too!)
and he asked randomly,
"so what do you think?"
"do you think you are beautiful?"
When he asked me,
I freaked.
I rambled something about,
"yes.. I agree that all God's creations are beautiful."
"so do you think you are beautiful?"
That kind of stuck with me,
because I answered very stupidly,
saying something about yes, I am,
but due to society's perceptions and different social pressures,
it's difficult to feel that I am beautiful.
Till today,
I think I rambled,
and I don't know whether I made any sense,
but I know I am rather insecure.
Still.
So about the Beijing thing..
Was there a need?
Really....
It's all about Beijing now.
The next global hyperpower.

It's great,
that China has developed.
As a chinese,
I am proud.
But China,
is China...
just like Singapore
is Singapore.
I don't know..
but I guess,
we always try to outbeat each other,
and always try to "Fit" into society's norms,
society's standard of... GOOD and Great,
but gone were the times when people stood up for what is right.
What's wrong with a girl who's not that pretty who can sing?
That's the most important part,
isn't it?
But then again,
my friends were commenting on how FAT
the Singapore singer was..
and my friend actually said that he would rather see someone pretty who can't sing...
So..
perhaps that's why China had to do what it had to do,
to fit in.
Sigh.

It started out as a fine day.
Nice, but long day...
but things change....
As they say,
cliche as it may be,
the only thing that is constant is change.

I can'tbelieve what Khanh just told me on facebook.
Please let it not happened.

Coupled with Gracia worrying me since last night...
(hmm.. do I sound like... I'm a bit... not straight? Hahaha)
That woman.
Just doesn't reply my sms,
and makes me freak out...
Sigh.
Sometimes I feel like an awful friend who's never there for you,
but I really don't know how to,
without overstepping the line,
since you need to delicately balance your Secondary school friends,
your bf,
your hostelmates,
classmates and blahblahblah.
I don't want to intrude,
or to be pushy,
but I don't feel like I'm doing enough as a friend.
What would you have me do?
Seriously...
What would you have me do....

That,
coupled with Khanh's... msg,
just turned my day bad.
It wasn't so horrid,
although I thought it would be.
Had GP test,
Physics test,
both which I think I really really flunked completely,
and after that,
Chemistry practical,
which was not bad at all...
=)
It was just really tiring.

The Cultural Exchange Programme...
Sigh.
Is it a disaster?
I guess it was not that bad,
but near it.
I'm not fit to be an emcee.
Seriously.
I can't attract crowds,
and the planning wasn't properly done.
We had a teacher who was breathing fire down our necks and seriously,
even mild people call her "b*tch".
That bad.
Guess what?
TM.... Sigh.
but in the end,
she was quite happy and actually thanked us.
I guess I am too easily affected,
because I actually felt a twinge of nice feelings towards her at that moment...
STILL!
I will not be involved in this sort of things again.
It's just a horror.
The Thai dance was cute though,
and AVA people were really nice.
It is an experience, overall...
Can't say I regret doing it,
because I'm sure I still gained the experience. =)

I just feel like crying.
After two days of hyperness,
I guess this should be expected...
but...
Sigh.
I'm going to blame it on the hormones.
It's always either hormones or stress.
Who cares.
I can blame it on either and it still makes sense.
Can't believe I found another white hair on my head last night.
Sigh.
Just too upsetting....
which reminds me about the "chicken" episode.
Very funny...
Lol...
but I'm not in the mood to elaborate...
A bit too close to tears to joke.
I hate this stupid emo feeling.
I think the songs are not helping either.....

I fell in love with
"Blessed Be Your Name"
It's so super catchy!
=D
I like!
I wish I can really turn every blessing He pours out back to praise.
Please teach me how to....
Please guide me back to His side...
I feel lost...
like a lost something/someone precious...
I guess life is really different once you've accepted Christ. =)

I miss my daddy and mummy.
Mummy texted me,
"Your happiness is our joy, your tears our blues"
I felt so bad when I read that...
I was in morning assembly.... if not I guess I'll just cry like now...
Sigh.
I'm an idiot.
Shall stop depressing myself further.

I've finished my Lit book!!!
As it is,
"Great Expectations".
I don't care how overdue I am,
but I am soooo glad I've finally finished it!
The ending is hanging,
as usual..
Sigh.
Why can't authors just end it there and then?!
Anyway,
funny that the book should be named such,
when I feel expectations to be... too great to behold,
while Pip has many expectations to be fulfilled. =)
Interesting book.

Now on to Physics.

I just realised...

Ms SG,
Mr A,
Grace,
KC,
RuiAnn,
Gracia
Ming Hui,
Indora,
HsiWen,
XiuLing,
YouYing,
Kristyn,
Matilda

all don't tag my blog anymore.
It's so depressing.
I like reading tags.
It's like.. extra conversations....

Plus people who read but never tag,

Guo Jun,
RON,
Sultan

Lol....
TAG LA!!!!! =D

SULTAN!!!!!
I promised to write something for you,
but I realised...
I don't know what to write,
except JiaYou for promos,
stop listening to girls' conversations,
pay attention in class,
stop fidgetting,
and all the best for PFT!!! =D
Lol.
You're a super nice classmate.
Who's totally whacked out. =P

Aish.
I'm bored.
Decided not to play for chapel.
"bu zi liang li"
hahaha.
I don't think I can change "guitar chords" to "piano scores" properly.
I'd only be able to do treble,
which is rather.... embarrassing.
My mummy's right.
I need to buck up,
especially since I "claim" (it's true la!!!) that I like music so much!
Lol..
Feel bad saying no to helping,
so I'll just go click the laptop!!!!
Lol...
I'm such a retard.
As usual. =)

Don't know what else to say already,
so.....
lol...
RuiAnn sitting next to me.
Feels funny.
Listening to "One Way" together!! =D
I still like all these songs,
even though I don't know what to do...

She told me to write
"I still like RuiAnn".
Hahahahaha,
egoistic,
right?
=D
Lol.
That woman hangs out with me too much.
=)
Somethings don't need to be said.
I LOVE RUIANN the pig.
Lol.

Anyway,
SBJ today.
140cm.
>.<
Talk about.....
horror.
Sigh.
I ached everywhere after gym,
thanks to being SOOOOOOO fit.
Lol.
What the hell.
hahahaha.

Oh yeah,
I have to censor myself.
Lol..
she told me to write "I still love RuiAnn"
like.. AGAIN!!!!!
LOL!!!!!!!!

I think instead of ending with "I still ballet" as my footer,
I should change it permanently to I still Love RuiAnn.
Lol...
and of course...
a few other people. ^-*
Let's see,
my papa,
my mama,
my this..
my that...
lol...
and.....
and ....
okay.
shall stop being lame. =D

I need to learn DOTA.
after promos.

Oh yeah.
Forgot to say,
I enjoyed school today.
=)
I'm surprised.
Really surprised.
I'm thankful no one scolded me,
because I was super apprehensive the whole day....
but I was super hyper in the morning....

Anyway,
whatever la.
still thinking of swimming..
should I go?
Dharl never reply......
=(((((((
I don't know how.....
YIKES!!!!
Lol.
I better end.
I'd rather talk to Ann. =P

Labels: new chance, pft, RUIANN., school, tag

Gabriel is plain crazy.
I cannot believe what he did.
That nutcase.
First Tim, now.. erm.. let's just put it as annonymus.
Lol...
this is stupid,
but really.
GABRIEL GOH WILL PAY!!!!!!!!
Always saying this kinda things and embarrassing me completely.

I like Guo Jun.
Before anyone of you take it the wrong way,
I like him a lot as a friend.
=)

Sigh.
Should I play?
Feeling confused.
This reminds me of Mr A asking me to play for Thanksgiving last year.
So I actually was one of the lucky people who knew the theme,
and the song,
in around.. June?
I think.. Can't remember.
However, I had to decline,
out of fear and utter embarrassment.
I'm so rusty,
I wouldn't dare to play in front of 400++ people,
many of whom play musical instruments very well.
I know my parents would want me to try it out,
performing like that,
but I'm kind of scared...
I want to try,
but I don't want to screw it up,
because if I do,
it's not just me who will be embarrassed...
Everyone will have that...
Er.... awkward awkward moment..
unless I managed to make it funny... which...
I don't know whether I am capable of doing.
Seriously.
Lol.
I'm laughing at myself now.
This is the second time opportunity has cropped up.
Why the hesitation still?
I wish I had mastered the guitar.
I'm still hopeful.

I'm actually looking forward to school tomorrow.

I feel lost.

And it's true,
it's getting harder and harder
to stop myself,
to constraint those feelings,
to keep it all in myself,
when I know..
I really want you to know..
but knowing may just change everything..
and I'd rather have what I have now...
then to lose it all in a moment of passion and haste.

Decisions are always harder than they seem.
The road not taken.
What could it have possibly led to?
I wonder....