Internet is slow tonight.

In case you were wondering,

and I just went out with May to pyramid.

Was blog hopping,

I had haagen daz.

Thank goodness blogger auto saves the blog posts now.

Labels: pictures

I have more Apps on my iPhone now.

Matt,

It is only April,

It is already April.

 

I do now know which statement is more appropriate,

Yet again, I feel the urge to blog,

But for the second time today,

The internet has chosen to die on me.

It kind of makes me want to laugh,

Out of sadness,

Out of desperation,

And more so when I think of all my complaints about Qmax when I was in Singapore.

Qmax would seem like EVERYTHING comparatively.

Sigh.

 

 I just finished “The Water Horse”.

I think it is alright.

A decent movie.

Not particularly exciting,

But it has its own charm.

It put me in a sad mood though.

I was already feeling better,

Happier and less emo and mopy,

But the internet died and I was too bored,

So I watched this,

Finding it in my bags..

And now I am back to Square One.

 

Damn it.

Current mood at 11.51pm on Sunday Night is shitty.

Shittier than shitty.

 

I need to cry.

I need to cry it out properly,

But I cannot.

This overwhelming feeling,

That overpowers me.

It is consuming me.

I cannot wait to go to college tomorrow.

Tears filling up my eyes,

But I just cannot let it out properly.

It is killing me softly.

 

I feel a weight,

A heavy weight,

Not upon my shoulders,

Because that’s how responsibility feels..

But right now at this very moment,

I feel a heavy weight in my heart,

Making it hard to breathe,

Hard to think,

Hard to do anything at all.

Where is the internet,

My source of comfort and solace.

Where I can blog and blog and blog,

Where I can turn to friends on MSN,

Where I know people are online all the time.

 

This is why I hate weekends.

 

When one has nothing to do,

And horrible thoughts fill one’s head,

One is destined to feel sad and down,

And when one has no internet to preoccupy oneself,

One will start doing weird things,

Including talking to oneself on Microsoft Word.

Sounds familiar?

Join the gang.

Sounds totally foreign?

Say your prayers and give thanks.

 

Sigh.

I shall be off,

Before I sound even more deranged..

I am thankful that it has been a better day.

No more sore throat!

Lots of phlegm and horrible coughs, 

not to mention many breathless moments, 

but I am feeling so much better.

But I am feeling too tired to blog today,

so I shall save it for another day.

But it has been a good day. 

Let us hope it extends to tomorrow. =)

I tried to sleep,

Because I am weary and tired.

Sleep came,

Almost immediately after I changed into my PJs and plonk myself on the bed.

But I woke up,

An hour and half later.

 

Disgruntled and slightly ruffled,

I was hoping to sleep until tomorrow,

Have more than 12 hours of full uninterrupted sleep,

But just like last night,

I woke up after a bit of sleep.

 

Last night’s sleep was terrible.

I woke up at regular intervals,

Or so it seemed,

And I was very irked and tiresome by the time it was really time to get out of bed.

 

I am tired and my soul oh so weary

(sounds like a song, may be something I have been singing)

But I cannot go back to sleep.

I have even finished the book Ainaa lent to me,

“The Time Traveller’s Wife”

And it is a nice book.

I did not cry,

But it was really touching and sweet.

Not too cliché so I like it. =)

 

I am hoping to sleep soon.

My eyelids are drooping and I feel exhausted,

But sleep refuses to come.

Muscles hurting and my throat blistering,

I hate this feeling.

Not being able to sing or talk,

I feel devoid of feelings.

Emotionless and empty.

That is how I feel right at this very moment.

 

Is this then the attitude I will have?

Is this what happens when one is under a lot of pressure and does not know what to do?

Is this just coincidental or a minor version of a nervous breakdown?

Is this how my body copes with stress? By falling ill.

 

Every time I cough,

I feel the palpitations of my heart.

I feel the sharp pain in my chest as well as my throat.

I feel the urgent need of air as I gasp for air.

I feel the burn in my throat as I gasp for air, seeming to tear the wound a bit more.

I feel the hurt in my lungs as I have coughed and expelled most of the oxygen and I need to refill them but I cannot.

I feel the sting in my eyes as tears well up because of the pain.

I feel the flush in my cheeks as all this happens simultaneously.

I feel the embarrassment as I wish I can cope with this better.

 

But amazing,

How all this pain seem to be engulfing me,

Muddling with my head,

Messing up my senses,

So much that I focus on my energy and concentrate on this,

And leave not a care about anything else.

 

Homework piling up.

ALSCO work stacking up.

Revision notes due.

Malaysian Studies Forum work waiting.

 

Cannot be bothered.

That is how I would describe myself.

It is a bad attitude to have,

But I just cannot seem to focus on anything else.

 

I remember the last time I was this ill.

I had fever and I slept a lot.

It was just before the ALSCO camp.

It was horrible.

 

The feeling of having fever,

When your head floats and everything is so light and unstable.

I am not having a fever yet,

Or so I think,

But I am definitely having the first few moments of light-headedness.

With one lymph node swollen as well,

And diarrhoea accompanying all this,

I feel ill.

 

Wouldn’t you?

15/4/09

It is only April,

It is already April.

 

I do now know which statement is more appropriate,

Yet again, I feel the urge to blog,

But for the second time today,

The internet has chosen to die on me.

It kind of makes me want to laugh,

Out of sadness,

Out of desperation,

And more so when I think of all my complaints about Qmax when I was in Singapore.

Qmax would seem like EVERYTHING comparatively.

Sigh.

 

 I just finished “The Water Horse”.

I think it is alright.

A decent movie.

Not particularly exciting,

But it has its own charm.

It put me in a sad mood though.

I was already feeling better,

Happier and less emo and mopy,

But the internet died and I was too bored,

So I watched this,

Finding it in my bags..

And now I am back to Square One.

 

Damn it.

Current mood at 11.51pm on Sunday Night is shitty.

Shittier than shitty.

 

I need to cry.

I need to cry it out properly,

But I cannot.

This overwhelming feeling,

That overpowers me.

It is consuming me.

I cannot wait to go to college tomorrow.

Tears filling up my eyes,

But I just cannot let it out properly.

It is killing me softly.

 

I feel a weight,

A heavy weight,

Not upon my shoulders,

Because that’s how responsibility feels..

But right now at this very moment,

I feel a heavy weight in my heart,

Making it hard to breathe,

Hard to think,

Hard to do anything at all.

Where is the internet,

My source of comfort and solace.

Where I can blog and blog and blog,

Where I can turn to friends on MSN,

Where I know people are online all the time.

 

This is why I hate weekends.

 

When one has nothing to do,

And horrible thoughts fill one’s head,

One is destined to feel sad and down,

And when one has no internet to preoccupy oneself,

One will start doing weird things,

Including talking to oneself on Microsoft Word.

Sounds familiar?

Join the gang.

Sounds totally foreign?

Say your prayers and give thanks.

 

Sigh.

I shall be off,

Before I sound even more deranged..

Shit.

Monday.

HAPPY EASTER SUNDAY everyone! =D