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2009/08/31 || 9:13 am I hate this bored feeling. I know and understand that my exams are exactly a week away, but it does not stop me from being lazy and procrastinating. Sigh. SHOOT ME. I have restocked. Now all I need is milk and yoghurt. I am ready to face the challenge |
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2009/08/30 || 2:14 pm It is decided. I love the internet at home. It is so stable. This coming from me, who always complains about the internet connection at home. Sigh. Now you can comprehend the internet at Sun-U residence. It is almost a suprise that everything automatically pops up and loads by about 10 seconds after I click. This is highly unusual, especially when compared to how I could take 5 minutes to load one page. Tonight, my parents are out. The dinner will drag as they are expecting a countdown to Merdeka as well. I envy Edna who is in Singapore. I also envy people who get to go home daily. I have missed home. The comforts and joys. Even tears seem but happy memories. Melancholy and nostalgia are my best friends. I was reading a note and this is what it said. Christabel. Happy Thanksgiving! -Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity- Hey girl =) Thanks for everything so far (erm, not everything but more like what you've done/been). We shared both good and bad times, and let's not stop continuing that. You've been a close friend and I'm really glad that I got to know you. You made me realise things that I never would have known(in relationships, in school, at home), which I feel that it was a really bad time for you for the past months. And that you can still stand strong as you are today, it's amazing. This strength of yours encourages me to fight on, with whatever I'm doing. You should feel proud too, and continue this journey of yours that you started. Bad times will always be around, but that's when we can learn and in its process, grow and mature. Smile and good things will come to you. X. 1.9.08 A lot of effort was put into making that card, and I wonder if you would recognise it when you read it. Does it sound familiar? I was going through my cupboard in search of my iPhone when I saw it (yes, I lost my phone again) so I read it and thought that I want to blog about it, so that I can refer and read it no matter where I am. It is touching, what you wrote and I feel so blessed to have friends like you. People who never gave up on me even when I was down in the dumps, you tried to cheer me up incessantly. I am forever grateful and thankful. The friendship meant a lot to me and will continue to push me on. =) We had an unusual friendship, that was for sure, since there were so many ambiguities and so many blurred lines. I am glad to be at home, but I sincerely hope to find my iPhone before I return to Sunway. The to-do list has shortened yet again. AS revision -Mathematics AS revision -Psychology AS revision -Law AS revision -General Paper Personal Statement Final consultation Psychology essay AS Mocks. AS. Certification of all certificates LNAT registration LNAT Yet, the exams loom nearby and it terrifies me. On a lighter note, I watched a few movies and fried my brains. King Kong (finally) beginning of Get Smart half of Jumper Becoming Jane I shall bring along the disc for The Godfather. =) I love Becoming Jane. It is a story about Jane Austen and her life. How she is a romantic who refused to marry for money and about the great sacrifices she had to make because of her love for the man. Mummy said the Bronte sisters were similar and my heart goes out to these women. I admire their strength and ability to stand up and to make such a big sacrifice that would harm themselves but be overall in favour of the man they love. It is no wonder that she wrote such beautiful stories. I just finished the book The Dowry Bride and it is a nice story. It is romantic in a sweet, naive way and all this romance has definitely gone to my head. So I thought I would write a little dedication for you. I miss you and I think you know that. I am always telling you this. Sometimes I wonder what is the right decision and it has occurred to me that sometimes when we keep trying to make the right decisions and not to hurt the other party, we are thinking in their best interest, but perhaps it is only what we think is best but essentially it is not what is best for them. I am at this cross junction. I feel that I cannot let go of you. I think that love is a very strong word but I do not how else to describe this feeling. Perhaps it is sisterly love or perhaps what a friend would feel, but I am not entirely sure. I would wait, if I knew you wanted me to wait. All along you told me not to and you said that you feel differently but you do not act so. Your tone still suggests that you care and that care I yearn. Is it to protect both of us that you have chosen to say this? Or am I a fool living in denial? Until the day that I can clarify this particular point, I cannot help but be a fool waiting for you. I miss you. |
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2009/08/27 || 1:52 pm It can only change from one form to another. =) My love for you has changed from one of a concern stranger to that of a best friend. Would you let logic and rationale hold you back, or would you let passion have its way? Apart from all the dreadful deadlines, I have other things to look forward to. Nice proper haircut Total Wax. Full body massage. Arthur's Day. Skybar. I think we all deserve a treat once in a while and I think this could motivate me. =) Anisha might not be around during my 19th birthday!!! *Wails* as much as I was complaining and not wanting to go to college during my birthday, I realised that it would be a first and that it could potentially be exciting (and nerve-wrecking?) but now she will not be there!! *wails* =((((((( Sob sob. I will prevail through this. *drama much? LOL* AS revision -Mathematics AS revision -Psychology AS revision -Law AS revision -General Paper Personal Statement Final consultation Psychology essay AS Mocks. AS. Photocopy of all the certificates (at home) Certification of all certificates LNAT registration LNAT When I see the list getting shorter, I feel better. At the same time, I do realise that the time is drawing nearer and I do not have enough preparation. Lord help us all. HI AYLWIN. I'm alright. Missing you. How's life? HI MY LINH! =) *hug* |
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2009/08/26 || 7:08 am None of the pages would load properly. Perhaps I was too ambitious in letting Apple update the Safari and trying to read my email, as well as opening a total of 7 facebook tabs at the same time. It slipped my mind that my internet here is CRAZY. It occurred to me that most people who stand out in the Alevel cohort, even if they are seniors and I do not know them personally, are from the ALSCO. Perhaps it really boosts confidence in one and lets one stand out. Basically, I see a need to start a to-do list and to revise it every two days. AS revision -Mathematics AS revision -Psychology AS revision -Law AS revision -General Paper Personal Statement Final consultation Psychology essay Math Past Year Photocopy of all the certificates (at home) Certification of all certificates UCAS application LNAT registration LNAT So I read that "celibacy is bullshit" from a friend's profile header and wondered what Celibacy was, so I checked out dictionary.com and the definition is abstention from sexual relations. Right. Maybe celibacy for a litfetime is bullshit, but I do not see why we cannot at least TRY. Being someone who is infamous for her lack of determination and perseverance when it comes to self-enacted rules and principles, I see doom ahead of me. Nothing works, maybe this is a sign from God that I need to stop using the internet. And all this when I do not even have Xsocam.. Imagine.. LOL.. this is not just a compilation of activities and events, more importantly it is a place I reflect and introspect, a place I express myself and record the emotions and thoughts I have. I love my blog. |
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2009/08/24 || 3:02 pm and again and again, I do not know what to do. I do not know what to think, but I keep going back to square one and I go back to you. No matter how, no matter what, it will be my motivation. =) JIAYOU CHRISTABELBELBELBEL just to note, my name is ChristaBEL. |
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2009/08/23 || 7:53 am With only half an hour before 5, I do not feel like starting on the pile of homework which is screaming to get my attention. =( I will need to meet the rest at 6pm at the foyer but I am reluctant and lazy to dress up/make up or even shower, not to mention to walk over and the need to be there for the farewell. I tend to be like this. All hyped up for an event but later when the event draws near, I am tired and lazy to go. The fact that this is a farewell is even worse because I have a tendency to hate farewells. The nostalgic and melancholic feeling is hitting me right now, but I sincerely hope that as usual, it will fade by the time I get to the dinner and that I will be happy. =) How does one bring a camera, tissue, handphone, wallet (optional) to an event without bringing a bag? The Oxbridge debate. My initial expectations were crushed but during the next meeting, I had a good time. The event was a success, depending on which perspective we are looking at it from. The hosts and the debating teams thought it went well, but the audience was not as encouraging. With high expectations and even bigger comments and criticisms, they were not appreciative of the debate and were quick to comment that the debate was not up to standard and was merely of a lower secondary level. I can understand and emphatise with the fact that they woke up early on a Saturday morning and was geared up to watch a fierce debate between Cambridge and Oxford, but did they know that most of us are not even debaters? Did they know that in the one week we had the motion, we did not have time to meet up? Did they know that we were not trained debaters like themselves? Did they know that our quarantine time was not the usual 30minutes but only a mere 15? Some critics made their point while coming across as matured and rational, some were not as kind. Just like how they were sharp-tongued, I believe that they deserve no mercy here. How can one expect perfection? Even with the brand names of Cambridge and Oxford, I highly doubt anyone could reach your level of expectations. Is it really necessary to put down the debaters in public while they have just tried their best on stage while experiencing nervousness, tension and stress of speaking in public to unappreciative audiences such as you? Is it more of a chance to stand up and critique the Oxbridge people? I did not sense it as a critique to help the debaters improve themselves or a critique to show sheer disappointment. It seemed to me that the criticisms were a way of promoting oneself and putting oneself at a level above even the oxbridge students. Was it necessary to embarrass us as such? Did you get good fun in doing it? I hope you did, because you have just lost much respect in my eyes by trying too hard and not understanding social expectations. I am glad I went to church this morning because I had a good lesson at the beginner's class and Uncle Eng's teaching was very relevant and directly applicable. I sense a need to read the bible more. Is it wrong for me to be holding on? Is it wrong for me to pray and wish for this? Is it wrong to be thinking about how you may be reflecting? Is it wrong to believe that you lied for the better future of us both? because I cannot help but wonder.. and believe.. Perhaps I live in a fairytale, but it is only because I choose to believe you are the prince I think you to be.. Maybe you do not have a shining armour or a white horse, but I really just love you the way you are. It is 5pm. I need to start getting ready for the farewell dinner tonight. Feelings of confusion is plaguing me, but I will use it as a spear to fight for my dreams and a shield from the distractions around me. because I only want to be with you. |
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2009/08/22 || 9:06 am The event is over and I had quite a time removing my make up. Shall not dwell on details as I had a long day and many fluctuations of emotions. It was an overwhelming day. I need my nap and food. shall update this later. but just a little part, I realise I do have a REALLY soft spot for guys with awesome smiles. The kind that the million-watt smile comes on and the eyes disappears, even in celebrities like Lucas Till. I have no idea why, but there seems to be a height factor in these guys.. Anyway, I feel guilty, because I was eye-candying on Monday, facebooking and having fun for the next few days, eye candying2 last night and then totally swooning over the phone... before I continued my eyecandy2 session today. Distraught. I know that the wait will be long and that I will be distracted a lot, but I think that there is much attraction in Oxford. =P |
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2009/08/21 || 4:23 pm and the list of work seems to be getting longer and time is just trickling away as usual. It is a scary affair, to watch how time is just disappearing in front of your eyes and you are still sitting around, enjoying your time and all. The cough is just going on and on while my throat is not healing either.. Trickles of blood sometimes appear amidst the phlegm and violent coughing. but even as I type away, ranting on and on, thought of the debate fill my head and cloud my thoughts.. Yawns of frustration are recurring and a clear sign of my need for rest and sleep so I shall blog tomorrow after the debate. Wish me luck. =) |
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2009/08/20 || 2:46 pm and the day slips by. I wonder what it is all about but as usual I turn back to my guitar for guidance. My personal statement will need to be checked once again. So much to do, so little time. I shall reevaluate the list of to-do things after the weekend. This weekend is not as dreadful, because I have many things to look forward to. There is the Oxbridge debate on Saturday and the ALSCO farewell on Sunday. =) With rumours of two confirmed cases and the new notice sticking up there, the seed of confusion and worry has been planted. Soon enough, I will be turned in even if I do not declare myself. but what is there to declare? If anything, I think that it is more pressing and urgent that I declare myself to be a potential schizophrenic with bipolar tendencies and depression urges. and I continue to stare at my personal statement draft 5 with a glazed look and at my GP essays with apprehension. Then I look over to the law essay with distaste and then the guilt starting to pour in.. The horrible attempt at the math test today demoralised me. It did not help in any way that I kept getting gastric pains alternating with cramps, which set me into a highly uncomfortable mood and dashing here and there to relieve the muscle clenching. It is already Thursday and Friday is already coming in less than an hour. I feel that time is really zooming past and it scares me in many sense and ways. Sometimes I wish I was more carefree or enjoyed life more, but I know that different people are different and I am the type that, despite all the enjoyment, I need to see achievements to be able to rejoice and be truly happy. I wish I was smart like Anisha. =) but I am thankful for a functioning brain (it is functioning! I think) and to be able to think, smell, write, sense, read, eat, sleep and all that. =) I am certain that I have mentioned it before, and I must constantly remind myself that we must always be thankful so that we do not take things for granted. Ahhh..I forgot to check my gmail.. @.@ I have to do that in a while.. but before I end this, I am glad that the gastric is finally relieving... The Maalox thing works. =) Christine dear could you please leave your link once more? I can't access my msn to get it and I haven't linked you yet.... =P Jean darling, of course you are the header. You are sooooo important in my life. =D DINO RAWRS (for beech tree) and don't go typing stuff like that at my tagboard la!!! embarrassing... Dino SQUEAKS. |
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2009/08/19 || 12:09 pm No longer a shade of purple, they remain a red that varies with the length of time from contact with strings. My fingers hurt, but they continue to distract me, Remnants of the chicken and cake, as well as egg tarts was wrapped up by the hostellites so that dinner is considered settled. =) Chicken rice was good today. =) I had a good appetite and had a go at it. I was PMS-ing after being pissed off and totally binged my way through the day. I may regret this later, when I cannot fit into my dress on Sunday. I should have known that it was too good to be true. My personal statement is So tonight will be dedicated to the law essay and my personal statement. God help me. Oh and I almost missed out the much dreaded GP essayS. I am feeling most dreadfully tired. I think that sleeping at 4pm yesterday to 430am this morning was a little insane, but it was a nice refreshing rest. The gastric pains are increasing and still I refuse to get the stupid pills.I think I am killing myself. I don't think I will be able to finish my work tonight. Procrastination rearing its ugly head again! An obvious distraction that I use and am employing. What I am trying to achieve I do not know. I just want a bit of excitement and a bit of fussing around to happen I suppose. AS revision -Mathematics AS revision -Psychology AS revision -Law AS revision -General Paper GP test Personal Statement Photocopy O-level results Photocopy of all the certificates (at home) UCAS application LNAT registration LNAT Oxbridge debate Sometimes I would like to think that the whole reason why I wanted to tell you about the attempt was because I needed to promise someone I would stop, but I could not bring myself to tell you, because if you knew that you were somewhat the cause of it, even though it was indirect and unintentional in any sense, I was afraid of the consequences of telling you. I did not expect you to laugh about it, which eased my mind, but by the time I got to telling you about it, I was no longer in need of any help. I had stopped. =) All the same, I thank you. =) and I do appreciate your efforts in trying to make me promise you that I would not have another go at it. I could not bring myself to promise you at that point, because suddenly, I was afraid. However, I remain appreciative and anytime that I feel the urge, I remember your words. Anyway, I would die too young. =P |
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2009/08/18 || 9:13 am Sometimes a break is good. It was interesting, what that was brought up, but since what was meant to stay in the circle will remain in the circle, so be it. I trust my fellow friends. =) So before I move on, on a cheery note, HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY TAN U JEAN =D I thought the celebration was lovely. =) Thanks for being a dear and letting Vince and I bunk over. Your parents are so nice! Your mum is a sweetie, like you. =D DINO RAWRS. It is amazing what alcohol does to one's It is known as a suppressant and it slows one's reactions, but it also allows you the blissful feeling of opening up. It lowers all boundaries and walls that have been set up to protect us from hurt in that moment, and allow you just to be yourself, before the scale has been tipped over too much and you fall over to the side of being drunk, messy and disorientated. How does alcohol allow one to open up and trust? Maybe the mind is conscious in allowing oneself to drink only with close friends, but the releasing of stress and clarity of thought (no pun intended) is amazing. Can biology explain this? The mind is an abstract unlike the brain which is physically present. One's thoughts cannot be seen literally but it can be interpreted through one's actions, speech and character. The need for analytical thinking, also known as critical thinking, in subjects like Psychology, is daunting and frightening. What if I do not believe that I can achieve that A? It does not just take memorising and understanding, it takes analysing and writing skills as well. The wait seems a little long but I am willing to attempt to strive for it. Only with trust and belief can this continue. While the angsty Bel is almost re-buried deep inside, my patience was sorely tested just now as I waited for the lift to crawl from the 25th floor down to the 1st floor, stopping at almost every alternate floor before I could get into the lift, where it stopped another 3 times before I reached my floor and escaped to my room. The tiredness today was a little overwhelming and I felt my voice go.. I barely sound like myself right now and the gastric pains have returned with a vengeance. All of this "action" while the cough and flu still hover around. What an interesting life. Coupled with the monthly laments and distress, I am just feeling a little weary right now. I realise I do not really know what I want sometimes, but I was hoping that you would do something for a change. I am tired of trying so hard and now I just want to sit back and look. I want to learn by being an observer. Perhaps this is one of those moments when I have just turned way, one of those moments that I need a breath of fresh air one of those moments that I want to just turn away from all the drama and emotions which stir from myself one of those moments that the magnitude of the future has hit me hard. The truth is that it feels a little weird, a little awkward and a little funny when I see you. We seem to still not address the issue and are trying to bury it behind us as we have always, but I am unable to move on properly and I keep staring at the freshly dug earth, looking at the guilty evidences and wondering what had caused it all. I do not want to lose a friend, not even by the slightest bit, but as each day passes and each opportunity to mend things is lost, I wonder if you feel the same way. Then I engross myself in my studies as far as possible, and try to lighten things up with whatever that is present. And then I turn to my guitar, and obtained comfort from it. Not comfort from producing beautiful music, I have yet to achieve that, but comfort from my For the pain distract my thoughts and fill the gaps you left behind. The personal statement is settled. So now it is the reference letter on my lecturer's part. To-do list is down to.. AS revision -Mathematics AS revision -Psychology AS revision -Law AS revision -General Paper GP test (reschedule) Personal Statement Final consultation Psychology essay Math Past Year Photocopy O-level results Photocopy of all the certificates (at home) UCAS application LNAT registration LNAT Oxbridge debate I am looking forward to striking each of these out of my list, one by one. =) |
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2009/08/16 || 10:10 am Blardy screwed up weekend. The screamings/cheers/singing/songs from Lagoon can be heard from last night until today. I don't know which FUCKING band is playing but Oh God. Can we have some peace and rest? This reminds me of the bagpipes playing on Saturday mornings outside Oldham which wakes EVERYONE up and set everyone in a cranky mood. I cannot on the air-cond and close the windows because I am still blardy coughing my lungs out. Even with the window closed, I can hear the blardy singing and it is giving me a fucking migrane. This is so annoying. I have deserted my practicing the guitar and have given up revising for Psychology. The blocked nose and sore throat is full of phlegm and making me feel nothing but ill. The best part? I have to wear a fucking mask tomorrow, if not I may get even more ill. And yet, through all this shit, we have to be thankful. Sigh. What the hell la. Don't know what the word cranky means? Well, this is exhibit A of cranky woman. =( and I just realise I do know who VJ Utt is. He's the guy I used to think is cute but some people think he is gay and I don't really give two hoots about him anymore. I need to snap out of this cranky mood, but all I feel like doing is vomiting. Why am I feeling so nausea? Certainly is not because of pregnancy. Harhar. Shyt. I think I should not go for the birthday dinner tomorrow. =( |
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2009/08/15 || 5:02 pm but nothing matters anymore. I was caught by surprise, but it is better late than never. I am sorry things happened like that, but even more sorry that I was not there for you because I had drama shit on my side as well. Maybe I should be thankful, see things from a different perspective, that I had a good talk with Matt, all thanks to this drama. but frankly, I feel this heart turning into ice. It is a self-protective measure. I do not want to get hurt anymore. I should not be pointing fingers, so maybe this whole misunderstanding, that seems to constantly happen, and never get resolve, is an indication. Indication of what? Indication of a need for change. That either you need to stop misunderstanding me, or I need to stop being so emotionally attached that when you snap and sound pissed, I get hurt. It seems that neither of us are changing, so maybe for my own advantage and benefit, I should protect myself from getting hurt. because I am going to do this, for me. Maybe in a day or two, I will be fine. Maybe in a day or two, things will blow over again, but then, I dread the times when I forget, and when the vicious cycle repeats itself. and even as I type, even as I text, I feel the emotion overwhelming me. Every girl, has gone through a phase.. of being upset and wanting to hurt herself or thinking irrational thoughts just to get even, although it is only mentally.. but those are usually cases of people who are attached to each other. You are only a close friend, so why does this keep happening? Are you being too sensitive or am I being too emotional? and since I have decided that it is time that I stood up for myself, that it is time that I put myself before anyone of these people, that it is time that I stop letting people's behaviour deciding my mood, I shall start off by getting well. Being upset and affected is definitely not the way to health, so I shall ignore all this nonsense and get a grip. I have my aims, I know my aims, and I will strive towards them. Anything that gets in the way will be eliminated from my life because I cannot afford to get distracted or derailed. To get something, sometimes we have to lose other things. Not everything can be included. Sacrifice is crucial and essential in the name of progress. (sounds like a debate topic) but it is time, and I shall remind myself often. I shall not be emotional, and I shall not allow things to stop me. screw it, I shall bulldozed my way through it all. |
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|| 5:05 am Is it normal to lose sensation in your legs after taking oral medication? I popped by Sunway Pyramid to buy some ointment and a thermometer since Azzy was passing by and I needed the medication. So I went over to the Jusco pharmacy to get the things I needed before meeting up with Azzy, Deb and Nicholas at Carl's Junior. When lunch was over, I went off to wait for the Free Shuttle Bus to come back to the condo, and that was when I introspect. The amount of people who were at Pyramid today for the MTV world stage was staggering. Most people were already dressed up and waiting to register. Like Azzy, Deb, Nicholas, Dar, May, David and Yuven, these people were all hyped up about the event. I felt a little out of place and very weird and different due to the fact that I had rejected the various invitations I received. Offers of free tickets were rejected while many people who were in my shoes would have gladly taken those tickets. I could not really understand the hype. Perhaps it is my lack of exposure to TV and radio programmes. I hardly knew the bands who were performing. I heard talk about the All-American Rejects shopping around, dressed to cover up and protect their identity so that fans would not swarm and overwhelm them. It is ironic and funny that there are people who would kill to meet them and there are people like me, who if this particular band had walked past me just wearing normal T-shirt and jeans, with their name tags on, I would still fail to recognise them. Among the various bands who were coming, I only recognised the name of two, both of which I realise I do not know how the band members look like or how many people were in the band. To summarise it all, I feel different, as if I am not really a teenager, that I have never gone through this stage and phase of idolising or admiring celebrities. I have never understood the hype going around with them and the amount people would pay just to watch performances. When Jason Mraz came to Malaysia and when Rihanna and Akon wanted to come, I was unfazed, as usual, even though these were names I actually knew. More embarrassingly, I did not recognise Akon's face. Am I weird? Even my friends who are not attending this event, they wanted to go, but could not for various reasons. Part of me think that this whole thing is just os shallow, but then I know it is wrong to generalise as such and that it is unfair for me to be so ethnocentric and to just pinpoint those who do not share my interest in literature but love MTV to be shallow. There are several evidences to prove me wrong, such as Yuven and Ainaa who are both very well-read, intellectual, love different books, but seem to also love MTV. =P Perhaps because I am sick. Perhaps because I do not like crowds so big that I cannot talk to my friends. Perhaps because I do not appreciate noisy music. Perhaps because part of me despise/pity/misunderstand celebrities. Perhaps because I simply do not have any interest. I am not interested, does that make me a weirdo? To rather stay home and study and rest, than to watch the event. LOL... I shall mug for Psychology |
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2009/08/14 || 7:53 am GP test - Math AS revision Psychology AS revision Law AS revision Personal Statement Draft PS consultation with Mr Leonard PS consultation with Ms Helen - Submission of Personal Statement (hard copy) - LNAT registration UCAS application LNAT OxBridge Debate and yes, I have cancelled many plans for today. Monday is Jean's birthday and I really want to go, so I must take good care of myself now. There is also dinner at Stephay's on Tuesday. I promised my sister I will wear a mask, so I shall. In the midst of all the work, I would like to take a breather and have some fun too. She is right. This time period, these few months, are really crucial. I cannot afford to lose focus or to lose track. I cannot be derailed. I need this, and I will work towards it. He will be a motivation but not a distraction. Even when I feel down or hopeless, because I do not see the point in studying so hard, if it is the cause of my falling ill, I will persevere. There must be reasons for this. I must not push myself too hard, but I must work hard for what I want. This is what I want, so I must believe in myself, my capabilities and to work towards that one goal. but I have good news. I just confirmed that I do not need to take iElts. =) What can I say but yay! =D I shall sweat this illness away, because I want to get well soon and I want to be able to jump around and be the happy hyper bel. =) and OMG. I'm going to be meeting Darrel. At the oxbridge debate. He's president of Oxford club or something? OMG. SHOOT ME ALREADY. |
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2009/08/13 || 2:30 pm GP test - Friday Math AS revision Psychology AS revision Law AS revision Personal Statement Draft PS consultation with Mr Leonard PS consultation with Ms Helen - Thursday Submission of Personal Statement (hard copy) - Friday iElts registration LNAT registration UCAS application iElts LNAT OxBridge Debate workshop (730-930pm OxBridge Debate I am sick again and hating it. Jean thinks I am overworking myself. Frankly I do not know. I have not been falling ill as often as when I was in Singapore, a crucial clue that I fall ill easily when stressed. The fact is that I am very stressed out recently but the weather has also been bad, so could it be that instead? Or perhaps it is a combination of both? Shall blog another day. Dear MeiMei, hahaha. =) It is funny, the way you put things. Well, it is a valid question and statement, and the truth is, yes the dress will get dirty, but as long as it does not get wet, the sand will not stick to it. When I want to play in the water (which I am sure will happen at some point), I will just take the dress off and play in my bikini. After I have towel myself dry, I can put the nice dress back on! =D Haha it is easier than wearing pants and t-shirt since it is only one article of clothing. =D Dear Chien Wen, HELLO!!! =) |
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2009/08/12 || 1:43 pm but the fear is starting to creep in and self-doubt shrouds and cloud my thoughts. Who am I to be doing so much all at one go? Who do I think I am? GP test - Friday Math AS revision Psychology AS revision Law AS revision Personal Statement Draft 3 PS consultation with Mr Leonard PS consultation with Mr Raj PS consultation with Ms Helen - Thursday Submission of Personal Statement (hard copy) - Friday iElts registration LNAT registration UCAS application iElts LNAT OxBridge Debate workshop (730-930pm Thursday, Friday) OxBridge Debate IMU debate -Saturday How can I not be stressed out? How can I cope? It is all weighing at the back of my head, so it does not help when I have to worry about my friends, or worry about who owes me money, because this is simply distracting and annoying. This is not the time to feel insecure or scared or lonely, yet I feel the twinge everyday, and it just grows like a black hole, waiting to suck me into the deep pool of depression. I need to go swimming again. *Twister was super fun today. =D* |
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♣ and when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. =)
2009/08/11 || 2:14 pm and these pictures are long overdue.. See this whole wad of money? I only got to hold it for less than an hour. About 15 minutes to be exact, before I paid it off as my AS fees.. Examination fees are expensive. ><"  and this is the sort of face that you get to see me making when faced with lots of homework and the bed is just there to tempt me.  and I decided to take these two pictures of my residential condominium to let you all see where I stay. It is just the angle of the camera and the perspective. The area is not actually as nice as what you can see... =P  and this is the pool =)  and here is a picture of me and Debra. She was trying on a dress and I just grabbed this off the hook to try it out as well. Teehee. It is actually very comfy~! =D  Last Saturday night I met up with Nickolai. =) Ainaa and Nicholas came too and we had doughnuts! Not just any doughnuts, BABY DOUGHNUTS!  and of course we had my favourite - J.Co Yoghurt!   The other pictures are with Ainaa but here is one of Nick and Ainaa =D  I had a good time meeting up with Nickolai and after J.Co, we went over to Sakae.. I know, we had dessert first. =D Teehee, just some random updates, I have finally finished Hannibal Rising. Apparently it is bad as compared to the rest of the Hannibal series but I thought it was pretty decent, but I have not watched the others. Anthony Hopkins stars in the others so it should be good. I think that he is a good actor. =) Stephay bought me a bottle of Appeton Vitamin C! I am pretty touched and have been eating it diligently! =D Bak Kut Teh the other day with Stephay, TY, Emily and Vincent was good. =) but I have made a promise not to go out with couples when I am alone. It is starting to rub on me the wrong way and I feel weird, like the third wheel and I hate that feeling. The movie G.I. Joe was alright, and I have already commented on it. Surprisingly, my allowance came in and I have not been shopping. Somehow the stress of university application and examination is rubbing me the right way (For once) and I have been thrown off shopping. I have been spending on food, but not bought any clothing even though I have been window shopping and this is officially the Malaysia Sale. =P The thought of stepping down from ALSCO leaves me feeling a little forlorn. It is not a feeling I was anticipating or expecting. Rather, it is a feeling I have grown familiar to. It is less than a month to my prelims/mocks.. There is no time to be feeling homesick. There is no time to be missing friends. There is no time to be looking back and wondering what could have been. There is no time to be scared. There is no time to be hesitating and wondering. Yet, I am going through it all. Sometimes I wish I had someone to turn to, but then again, they are always called a distraction. Are they? and I sometimes wonder where my friends get all the time, and how the juggle it all.. but then I remember that we all have the same number of hours, so if I cannot seem to fit it all in, it is evident that I am not ready. =) and although the homework is done, the weight is still there. Math assignments. Psychology test. UCAS. Personal statement. =( I think I should get going and get started on today's pile of work. =( but here are some camwhoring picture to cheer myself up. =)  and this is at Forever21   and at moments like these, I want to be a model just so I can wear pretty dresses and admire myself.  |
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2009/08/10 || 3:10 pm I am so lazy to blog. shall update this another day and time. =P I still owe gazillion of pictures. |
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2009/08/09 || 12:57 pm I want to swim but it is a little late now, especially since I just ate. Had quick mee, or instant noodles as they are officially known as. I cannot facebook today and it is upsetting. =( but meeting Grace has been a highlight. Lots to update about, but I am simply lazy. Really tired too. Sigh. Feeling really exhausted. BLEAH. I shall go watch a movie or two. Shall update tomorrow, or maybe later. =P |
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2009/08/08 || 4:23 am I cannot stand it when people just ignore the texts. Sigh. It is SO annoying! LOL but then again, who is not guilty of this bad habit? I am sure that even if it might not be a ad habit, it would have been something that everyone had been guilty of at the very least. So the costs for all the tests and application fees is starting to amount to a crazy lot. I do not really know what I want to do anymore. I feel bad that all this money is just guzzling down, but technically, is it not more of a waste to be wasting money eating? Perhaps I should stop eating and just concentrate on studying, without food and just drink water. Wokay, I think I will die, in about a day's time, considering tat I was up since 9, and have not had any food and it is only 12pm and I feel a hole in my stomach already. So I watched G.I.Joe with Stephay, TY, Sam and Vincent. Ming and Emily watched The Proposal in another "room". The show was not as bad as I anticipated after Ben's comment that it was lame. However, Stephay was right, it is pretty brainless. It is just all about hot girl, action, violence, saving the world, world domination and making out sessions. I think that movies need to be bigger than that. It is almost completely brainless with hardly anything going on. Where have all the good movies gone? Are we all destined to be brainless and watch movies like these?Oh well, perhaps it is time we reevaluated what society demands for and what society truly needs. Watching Ella Enchanted, yes, a chick flick, was funny. All the singing and prancing about was hilarious and the EVIL King Edgar, was just crazy. Teehee. Anyway, I finished up my 2 long overdue law essays and I hope Mr Chandran will agree to mark them and I met up with Ainaa and Nickolai as well as Nicholas. It was cool hanging out with them and I am hoping to learn ice-skating soon! =D Which reminds me of stuff I need to learn... DRIVING. Ice-skating. Horse-Riding. Tests I need to take... iElts LNAT AS mocks AS A2 mocks A2. Things I need to complete... application for iElts application for LNAT UCAS application personal statement draft 2 revision for AS mocks and I was still thinking of ice-skating? I think my brain fizzled out too fast just now. I need to revive it for college.. I need to revive it before I meet my parents tomorrow. I need to revive it before I meet Grace tomorrow. I am tired tired tired tired. I think the yoghurt and doughnuts and sushi went down pretty well. I am full and happy and very tired. and I saved money. Did not shop! YAY! =D No shopping this month because there are a lot of tests to pay for and I want to take ice-skating lessons.. No shopping. The only shopping I am allowed is to window shop. Reminder to self, upload pictures soon! =D I choose to believe. Afterall, everything is in His almighty plan. =) *big hug to you!* |
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♣ GINA!!!!! =D
2009/08/07 || 2:11 am and here it is. HAPPY BIRTHDAY REGINA WINATA KHO =D Teehee. =) Like MeiMei always say, a picture speaks a thousand words.   and then we were feeling lonely.. so lonely that I hugged a lamppost  so we searched high and low for that special someone...  Then we found each other~!  (okay, I know it is cheesy but I think it is cute. =P) I realised, I do not have many pictures with you my dear, and almost ALL come from one outing, for the pictures with you in ASEAN dance is.. with someone else, but I thank you for all the fond memories you gave me in my one year in NYJC. =) I still have the little note/card you gave me and Gina, =) it was really sweet of you. =) I heard you are the nominee for ASEAN Queen for this year's dance. =) I am keeping my fingers crossed that I can be there to support you. =) Teehee and here is a picture.. one of my only web picture of the class. =P .JPG) I still have the proper class pictures. =) Gina, thanks for making me feel like a part of the class =D and I'm glad we got to become friends and all because the first time we met was in ASEAN dance 2007 when you, Putu and Kathy were taking pictures. I was walking pass with a friend and Fiona almost chewed our heads off!!! =( Very scary first impression... LOL. but *hugs* Let's hang out and take more pictures when I come visit, kay? and you must come to KL too! =D and MeiMei has something really cute on her blog. =D I visited a few times but I kept missing it until she pointed it out. =D Botak Jones has my name on its counter signboard thingy! Check it out HERE Teehee. thanks MeiMei, it definitely cheered me up. XD and so it is time for my morning shower before I head out to meet the rest. Is all this perspiration normal? >< I miss you but this is part of growing up. =) I'll be praying hard that it be God's will that everything fall into place like that. |
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2009/08/06 || 9:23 am It's been days since I last blogged, no thanks to falling ill and losing momentum in many ways. It started with fever, sore throat, cough and flu which then developed into eye pain and joint aches and muscle aches. Next I had blackouts and all that weird crap. So finally after two donkeys forced me to go doctor (Teehee. thanks TY and Steph) I went and the doctor was a mean old fart who made me feel like I was a dying patient. Although he warned that I would have to go scan at a hospital if I did not show signs of improvements by 24 hours, after taking the medicine and sleeping for 2 hours, I already feel so much better. It does make me wonder what did he prescribe though. Perhaps it is steroids of some form, or perhaps he gave me a super strong dosage fit for a horse. Either way, I am feeling much better, with clearer thinking and vision albeit the runny nose and profuse sweating. Just finished "Ella Enchanted". I don't care how most people think it is crappy and a waste of time or how it never actually made it big, I think she is really pretty and I like the movie. =) One of those, you must believe in yourself movie. =) I know I should get down to that law essay which I have been procrastinating about since... hmm.. a month ago? but I really cannot seem to get my butt down to it. I know I must, so I will, after doing some UCAS thing and after I watch one more movie. XP No classes tomorrow and I am happy. =) but as usual UCAS will not load. I must remember to do it in the school computer thing. Sigh. I hate sucky internet. I can never get anything done. =( but oh well. After movie, I shall start work. =) |
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2009/08/05 || 7:04 am I need to learn to be more humble. Okay, everything hurts. I really need to see a doctor, I can barely breathe properly anymore and my nose is all blocked up. Shall blog when I can muster the energy to. |
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2009/08/03 || 10:33 am So the first draft of my personal statement was not as bad as I anticipated. Several amendments were made to the language and structure, and now I have to work on getting it out into the second draft. It seems that most of my blogging friends have made a note to welcome August into place, whereas I passed from July 2009 onto August 2009 without much action. Reading phrases like "Welcome August!" or "it's AUGUST!" just makes me realise how fast time flies and how it continues to fly along while we are procrastinating and wasting what precious little time we have. I have a month to my exam, so what am I doing? Today I was crossing the road to meet my sister, and there was 2 roads to cross. For once, I was alone and there were no other pedestrians crossing. I was afraid, but I tried not to show it, and I kept alert and reassured myself that both were one-way streets. Just as I was crossing, images of you offering your hand to me, then us crossing the roads together, flashed in my mind, and a smile creeped into the corners of my mouth. I cannot help it, I miss you. I know I have said aloud the many things that I do not believe in, but I believe sometimes we make mistakes. Sometimes we generalise because of what we do not know and the assumptions that we make. I believe, and will continue to believe, because all of a sudden I felt at peace with myself and the world, that I will wait and I will continue to pray. If it is His will, things will be what they will be. and the work beckons so I shall do the dishes and be off to do my work. but just before I teeter off, a word of encouragement to those of you out there. =) My Child, I know when you sit down and when you rise up. I am familiar with all your ways. Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. For you were made in my image. In me you live and move and have your being. For you are my offspring. I knew you even before you were conceived. I chose you when I planned creation. You were not a mistake, I determined the exact time of your birth You are fearfully and wonderfully made. I knit you together in your mother's womb. And brought you forth on the day you were born. I have been misrepresented I am not distant and angry, And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. Simply because you are my child I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. For I am the perfect father. Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. Because I love you with an everlasting love. My thoughts toward you are countless And I rejoice over you with singing. I will never stop doing good to you. For you are my treasured possession. I desire to establish you And I want to show you great and marvelous things. If you seek me with all your heart, Delight in me and I will give you For it is I who gave you those desires. I am able to do more for you For I am your greatest encourager. I am also the Father who comforts you When you are brokenhearted, As a shepherd carries a lamb, One day I will wipe away And I'll take away all the pain I am your Father, and I love you For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. He is the exact representation of my being. He came to demonstrate that I am for you, And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. His death was the ultimate expression I gave up everything I loved If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, And nothing will ever separate you Come home and I'll throw the biggest party I have always been Father, My question is… I am waiting for you. |
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2009/08/02 || 7:15 am Apparently I am a pretty goo liar, normal, kind and fun along with the fact that I have poor vision and have decent grammar and speak the English language well. I was born to be an actress and I have a hard time moving on because I get really hurt. So these are things I have learnt from facebook today. Now, for the real work to begin and continue. So the university has been decided. There are 4 more to be decided. I am still at a lost, and the work beckons so I shall teeter off now. Finally, 1 psycho essay Math past year assignments Revision - Psycho Law Math 2nd draft of Personal Statement after bombardment from all the lecturers. Land of the Lost. Watched this with Sam last night although we set out to watch Ghosts of Past Girlfriends or something like that. The ticket queue was insane and by the time we reached the front, we were only just in time for Land of the Lost, so that it was. Hilarious, that much I must agree. =) I had a good time although I thought my neck was on the verging of staying in that position forever and I have discovered a way to lean on Sam's shoulder. =D If I pile my sweater on his shoulders first, I can lie on his shoulder pretty comfortably. =) I need motivation, now here and straight away. No more time to waste, I want to and need to get down to work. No time for distractions, this all has to wait wait and wait. I need to get this all sorted out and straightened out. This is my future, if I do not step up to it, no one will or can help me. God only helps those who help themselves. I need to trust, pray and surrender myself to Him. |
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2009/08/01 || 1:42 pm I have to start work, but I have been out the entire day. Is it deperation? |
