disconnect me

♣

2009/09/23 || 3:29 pm

CSI. I'm loving the series.. And I'm honestly surprise how I've managed to survive without astro all this while.. I am going to miss the John Broadwood Baby Grand piano..

I miss you. But I won't say I'm in love.

♣

2009/09/21 || 3:53 pm

So the new skin is up. Gracia still isn't in kl.. Mummy wants me to go Sarawak and Sabah end of this year after my exams. I want to go langkawi after the school days. I need to learn driving. There's the concert this Friday, and my exams in less than a month, plus the moving into the house.. Phew, alot of things going on all at once.. A little daunting and ever so overwhelming. I need to juggle it all. Determined not to screw up anything anymore, I have high aims, hopes and dreams.

The blogging shall continue another day.. Lazy to do it from the iPhone

♣

|| 7:19 am

I most definitely feel better.
Cleared things up with my sister.
After all, we are all just human...
We make mistakes and we all have shortcomings, but we are all family.

You still give me butterflies when we talk

♣

2009/09/18 || 4:21 am

How could I forget to blog about the fateful bus ride.

LOL.

I waited for the bus from 845pm, realising as each painful minute passes, that my butt is really really sore.

Then at 902pm, it finally arrived and I actually said a little Thank you, presumably to God.

When the bus was packed like a sardine, it started moving...

Lo and behold, it went to fill petrol and everyone in the bus was groaning and grumbling.

After a sickeningly long time, we started moving, back to where we were picked up, and then we finally went around the designated route.

So when I got back to the condo, it was 10pm and I was beyond exhausted

but still the feeling lingered on.

I'll look forward to leaving for UK and the trip to US before that (keeping fingers crossed)

I miss home.

I miss Daddy Choo Sing and Mummy Yang Mei.

I miss everything so much but all the negative feelings are just piling on.

Take me away.

♣

2009/09/17 || 3:42 pm

Why ask if you don't mean to do anything about it?

Pointless questions are almost as bad as bimbotic questions.

Don't ask me stupid questions.

Two consecutive days of 4 hour skating has been fruitful.

Although the first day is more productive, I definitely feel muscle aches.

Apart from that, I have bruises, cuts, blisters, a slight twist in the shoulder and total ASS cramps.

but nothing could compare to that feeling.

I guess I could blame it on PMS, since I have been pretty calm this entire month and nothing hormonal until today. Even archery failed to cheer me up.

I had a long talk with U Jean and my bill is going to hit the roof,

but ultimately it was beneficial to my growth and development from a moron to a imbecile.

I shall want not.

I realised I am ungrateful too. No wonder I cannot appreciate His words or blessings.

However, there is a certain determination in me that thirsts to succeed. The need to breakthrough and finish something up has been in me.

The release of angst was bad today but then it got worse.

In due time, I will be able to become one with my emotions. Perhaps that is when I am too old to even lift my arms up.

Never have high expectations or reliance on anyone/anything. One should only rely on oneself, because the feeling of desertion and isolation from family, ~~friends~~, acquaintances and society in general, can be a rather hurtful one. When one loses faith in God or start having doubts, the feeling of isolation and the futility of everything is reinforced. Therefore, reliance on oneself serves as the best defense.

Stay away from me. I don't want anything or anyone to be all touchy feely. For this time being, I am just happy to go home and to be away from all of this, but I know that at home. another thunderstorm awaits. Is there no end to all this turmoil? I need my own space, and I want no part in this.

Take me away.

♣

2009/09/13 || 12:03 pm

Yet another 911 has passed by. It has been several years, and accursed I am that I do not know how many exactly.

Yes, I have just finished reading Romeo and Juliet.

In actual fact, I skimmed through it and the story is really heartbreaking.

Woe is the story of Juliet and her Romeo"

♣

|| 12:03 pm

Yet another 911 has passed by. It has been several years, and accursed I am that I do not know how many exactly.

Yes, I have just finished reading Romeo and Juliet.

In actual fact, I skimmed through it and the story is really heartbreaking.

"Woe is the story of Juliet and her Romeo"

I agree.

So with Macbeth as well as Romeo and Juliet done,

I only have three great tragedies to go.

Hamlet, Othello and King Lear.

There is just something very attractive about tragedies..

I love a good comedy, be it plays or even movies, but a tragedy evokes emotions and allows you to think and reevaluate your life in respect to the tragedy.

I actually there is something wrong with me since I am more interested in the movie The Notebook rather than my Math exam tomorrow.

Or, for that matter, my LNAT on Tuesday.

Anyway,

I shall remember to bring my camera tomorrow for some cam-whoring session. =D

I have only uploaded 40+ pictures and I have at least another 60+ to go.

and the movie The Notebook has just made me all lofty and soft and their love was so beautiful.

It is amazing how they even died together because of the love they had for each other.

But things don't happen like that in real life, do they?

Because even Romeo & Juliet died.

The best part about all this is that I have a Math exam in less than 11 hours time and I am watching romantic movies.

I really ought to shoot myself.

And this confusion has just deepened.. for I know what I want but is it the best for both of us?

♣

2009/09/12 || 1:02 pm

Then I realised... if one does not blog about one's account of events,

what does one blog about?

A blog cannot be solely about one's feelings and emotions, unless it is to be a completely private blog since no reader would understand what was happening..

Then again, the blog would enjoy and benefit from readers who actually connect with the blooger on a much higher level of thinking and reasoning.

And how many birthdays have I missed...

I miss how things were, yet I cannot imagine not going through the things I am now..

Not being able to let go of the past,

yet not wanting to miss out on what I have now.

but how could anyone give up sweeties like Jean, Nutty, Stephay, Nicole?

But then whenever I look at pictures of Mei, Cindy, Regina, RuiAnn, Yee Wern, NyonNyon, Matt and so on, altogether, it just makes me a little sad, a little jealous, a little melodramatic.

Perhaps I relish the times we had so much, and perhaps when it is time for all of them to part and go their ways, my goodbye would be easier..

A friend commented that we act like we are, but at the same time, we are not. Yet, most people think we are anyway. I see traces of truth in the statement and ACCUSATION, but I refuse to budge.

♣

2009/09/11 || 4:36 pm

Fruit tea at Pasta Zanmai is really nice.

The bill was a little scary,

and the tea is not refillable!

but it's a birthday treat and I really missed him. =)

It was a really enjoyable night.

The laughing was INTENSE and we soon realised the restaurant was full but surrounding us was a circle of empty tables.

I wonder if they are scared of laughter. =P

Is it really an Asian trait to blog? An acquaintance made such an accusation but being Asian and being a blogger, I conform to his theory.

Archery was awesome. I hope my arms will not be too sore tomorrow. =P

The shooting was rather stress relieving as well. =P

I had a really awesome night out, so it really sucks that everything is coming back now that I am back in the hostel.

An attempt to upload the ALSCO pictures to facebook has been started by me AGAIN.

I love his new stud.

Booyah.

I called Matt. I miss him.

I want to go running and just run away.

Perhaps when I run and the faster I go,

the further I will be,

and at breaking point,

my muscles will be weary and my heart will be beating so fast,

I may feel,

just for one moment,

peace of mind.

Is it so hard to believe in us?

♣

|| 8:24 am

I just realised that what used to the maximum number of photos allowed in an album, has been upped to 200~! Yes, it used to be 60!

♣

2009/09/09 || 3:25 pm

All that is left is

General Paper

Math P1

Math P6

I can do this.

~~Narnia - Prince Caspian~~

I really like this movie. =)

♣

2009/09/08 || 6:54 am

I just screwed me Psychology papers up,

and proceeded to a chick flick marathon.

BRAVO.

~~The proposal~~

~~Ghost of girlfriends past~~

One thing about chick flicks is that they tend to make me feel all lonely and sad afterwards.

Karma?

Irony?

I don't know.

Dear HuiZyi,

thank you. =)

I shall talk to you when my exams are done.

♣

2009/09/07 || 12:30 pm

My exam is in about 12 hours time.

In 12 hours time, I will already be in college,

fidgeting, trying to calm myself down and hoping to ace the exam.

I would rather not study anymore right now.

I have not TOUCHED law.

Please just shoot me already.

Did I mention this is my mocks/prelims?

I am so proud of Tekki and Regina. =D

~~but I wish I didn't see those pictures.. just to be reminded of what I am missing out on and to have to consciously stop myself from wallowing in self-pity~~

♣

2009/09/06 || 4:17 am

I forgot that ASEAN dance was last night until I logged onto facebook.

I wonder who is the Prom King and Queen..

but I was at the Garden Party.

I am glad I decided to go.

The roasted lamb was really delicious.

I just wish I could have had more than the measly portion I had due to stomach discomfort.

Yes, I have not been blogging because I have been feeling like crap,

thanks to having stomach ache, vomiting and diarrhea, which the doctor diagnosed as food poisoning.

After much thought and consideration, I decided to go for the Garden Party, and it was quite a lovely night, albeit I was in a rather cranky mood and I would say I was pretty quiet throughout the night.

During the journey back, I was even more quiet and I think I got the rest a little worried, but hey people, I am fine. I just was not in the mood to fraternise.

Woke up so late this morning even though I slept at 11plus last night. I guess this round of food poisoning honestly drained the energy (and everything else) from me.

and it is off to work for me since I have been procrastinating and sleeping.

I am blaming it all on the food poisoning..~~and I have no right to do so~~

♣

2009/09/03 || 1:16 pm

It's less than a week to AS mocks and I need to ace it if I even want to set foot where my ambitions lie...

but here I am sitting down and blogging after watching a movie.

Not just any movie,

not an intellectual one either,

I just finished

HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS

as if I need a movie to teach me.

LOL... This is the movie where I fall in love with Kate Hudson.

I do not like her in Bride Wars, where she seems to be a domineering bitch.

I love her smile. =)

I can't help but feel all warm and fuzzy whenever someone has a beautiful smile. =)

I will make it through.

♣

2009/09/02 || 10:14 am

I cannot believe this.

I feel used and even though it is not exactly back-stabbing,

please don't bitch about me in front of my face?

Nobody else has made any comments and even after my warnings, they seem to find it alright and appear to be more appreciative.

These are only friends who have come for a short while.

After the numerous favours you requested of me,

must you make such snide comments and remarks? If the place is really not up to your standard, you can always leave. I am not imposing that you MUST come or you MUST stay. Please. Spare me.

I need to learn to say no.

NO.

I do not want to help anymore.

Just leave me be.

I have always had a problem saying no, and am a pushover at the worst times.

~~I hope we never go to that stage because I love how we are now~~

Email not replied, msg not replied. I wonder if everything is alright.

When I am at the Garden Party, I shall think of all of you at ASEAN dance, and hope that you all are enjoying yourselves.

I miss you.

I just read an article about Arthur's Day.

I think there is no liquor whatsoever!

HELP!!!!!

Shoot me now please.

Grouchy and angsty.

I hope I can wear my lenses tomorrow.

It baffles me how some people are so inconsiderate and downright mean and rude.

I need to do my Math and GP work.

I cannot believe that my forecast may be as devastating as I think it is.

~~Thank you, to no one in particular.~~

Did I mention that I hate myself?

and Sam, if you read this, text me.