disconnect me

♣

2009/10/31 || 7:55 am

Sometimes I feel bad when I do not read up on others blog..

but when I do, I realise I have either no idea what they are talking about,

completely blur about the recent happenings, have been cut out from the group slowly or I simply am not interested in what they have to say anymore.

Is it a crime?

Is it a sin?

I hate to admit it but my daddy is right. Friendships come and go.. They fade away. One must never hold on too tightly, because all that will be left is disappointment. After all, we are human and it is just in us to hurt others unintentionally.

Today I found some crumpled wrinkled fruit in the fridge so I asked what it was and tried to bite through the skin. I late found out that it is a passionfruit or Markisa.. and that there was two in the fridge. I was really excited and so I began to cut it and ate it...

It was so sour I almost peed in my shorts!

But thankfully we had peaches in the fridge so I mixed the syrup with the two fruits and added water to it. It is really nice. =)

I like the song Picture To Burn!

I'd burn our picture together, but I do not have a hard copy picture with you.

I'd burn our picture together, but there is always another friend in it.

I want to burn our picture together because I want to erase all the false memories you gave me. I need to get it out of my system because all you did was lie and play.

Breathe

This is the video I relate to. Right now.

but after a long day and a night of entertainment of which I will blog about tmr, I shall call it a day. Toodleoos.

♣

2009/10/30 || 4:58 am

I have an annoying obsession with spelling and pronunciation, grammar and sentence structure. I must profess that I am not perfect in these, but I strive for and towards perfection.

Somehow, the need to blog seems to have stem from the love of talking, but a sad part about blogging is that, unlike discussion where you receive feedbacks and other opinions on the spot, sometimes people do not even give two hoots about what you blogged about.

Perhaps this is privacy? But it is not truly privacy since it is still up for the whole world to read.

But oh well, with nothing else to update.. I will call it a day.

♣

2009/10/29 || 2:28 pm

and it feels weird...

but the lack of contact, seem to make me less vulnerable, or at least I feel this way.

I do not feel a need to call or text, facebook or email,

and I feel that all is well.

Perhaps this feeling will stay and my attachment will fade away and give way to other emotions.

But who am I to complain about this new feeling?

Or am I actually rejoicing?

The chance to learn driving... the hopes of learning and mastering it has been dashed. The instructor said the only time is in the coming June.. Hell...

The iPhone has not arrived and I am starting to get anxious..

Neither has the puppy set foot in our compound..

And my finishing the book Eragon has just made me want to read Elder and Brisinger!

but the most scary thought is that my Math paper is is less than a week!

I am unprepared, I have lost my book and I do not know anything! Fear has started to creep in and I am starting to panic.. but all hope is not lost... YET

Okay, I am scared but I am still watching TV, still blogging, still attempting to distract myself...

but then again, I keep thinking... why panic now when I cannot do anything about it.. Since I do not have any books.. Sigh. I am such a procrastinator.

Perhaps it is better to keep my distance, so I do not feel betrayed.. or hurt.. but rather, nonchalant about things..

=) Some things cannot remain as it was or as they were.

Am I evil or selfish because I relish having this break..because I am glad to be able to breakaway, not feel hurt, and actually enjoy it?

We were once close, we were once good friends, but we will remain friends and nothing more. =)

♣

2009/10/26 || 12:39 pm

Wheeee, the pictures are almost all up, but the stupid auto uploader always causes safari to jam up.. It is really quite annoying. Plus everything takes so long... I feel like I am dying when I wait... but that is just how our generation is... impatient and unappreciative. Sigh... Am I generalising too much?

Anyway, shall blog tomorrow eventhough I have updates. It is getting late and I need to go to bed. BLEAH.

♣

2009/10/24 || 4:36 am

Holy crap. I am excited and scared.
AHHHHHHHHH I WANT TO GET IN SO BAD RIGHT NOW.
DAMMIT.

On second note, the HTC is actually a decently nice phone, but I cannot wait for my iPhone 3GS. No stock no stock.... SIGH. HURRY UP LA.
BLEAH.... so much to do, so little time!!!

When's my driving thing going to start?

Okay, I am so excited that I cannot even blog properly.. Nothing is coming out coherently.

The Red Shoes
Phantom of the Opera

Nice shows.
Shall watch a few more today.
Yiiippppeeee.
Oh yes, and shall upload long due pictures since I have good internet.
Teehee.

Toodleeos people. =)

♣

2009/10/23 || 1:48 pm

Yes yes yes, still one paper left..

I am currently home,

crazy with the internet and television,

and currently doing both.

I am trying to update my iTunes, iPod, iPhone and whatever else that needs updating..

I see my msn ALIVE and it feels a little odd..

It has been a little too long since I was last online. =P

but there is no one to talk to... Sigh.

I know there is a lot of angst,

and I need a release of it all.

I know and understand the cause of it all, but yet I cannot approach it properly and I still do not know how to resolve it. Months of all this nonsense and I am still stuck in it.

It is amazing, how life works.

How one may be upset but still holding it in because of society's perception on things.

How one may be on the verge of bitch-slapping people, but holding it in.

How one may not truly do what one wishes to, due to the implications of it all.

How one cannot just have no cares about the world because it is this very care that has rendered one so upset.

How can one hold it all in when all one wants is to explode

♣

2009/10/20 || 8:42 am

It has been so long.

Psychology Paper 1
Law Paper 1
Mathematics Paper 1
Law Paper 2, Psychology Paper 2
General Paper

Now for the last, one and only remaining,
04/11 - Mathematics Paper 6

So,
~~I want my epilator from Jusco.~~ I got it.
I want what my daddy promised to get me because I am really excited.
I want the perfume that my daddy thinks is nice. =D
I want the exams to finish and end, but I will be patient since it is almost done anyway =)
I want to go home, which I can in two days' time. =)

I got a cd from Wen Han, Zee Avi. It is really nice. =)

What happened to the good old days.. I wonder.
What happened .... how did I get so caught up with my own life that I forgot.. that I missed the last day. Sigh.. I miss them, but now I won't get to meet them altogether... Will I? Do I actually want to?

Drama Drama Drama.
I had my first proposal yesterday, when Nicole Anne Bastian (my sweetie) went on her knee ON ICE!!!! It was really romantic. =)

Shoutout to Mei, Gina, Sultan,
I really miss you people.

Labels: proposol

♣

2009/10/14 || 11:02 am

I realised I have not been to my friends' blogs due to time constraint and lack of internet. Perhaps the need to blog has less of a hold onme nowadays, but it still exists, somewhere deep down, I can still feel the urge.

It has been a rather horrid week, with lack of sleep and terrible nights.
There was a lot of tossing and turning on Sunday and even on Monday night, my sleep was bad.
Last night I dreamt that my sister died. It was a terrible nightmare.

I was going to go into details but now I have decided not to.

I have been procrastinating about math but the more I attempt to help others (since I have finish all the exercises I have) the more I realise things that I do not understand, which is the way it is supposed to work. However, it was alright initially, but the nearer it gets to the exam, the more I am panicking and realising how blur I am becoming. Questions I could do are now a blur to me. Imagine that feeling to a kiasu PISSED OFF girl who is PMS-ing. Terrible.

I think I am a very selfish girl.
First, it was because I did not want to feel weird, or to pay and not enjoy myself.
Then I did not want to upset my friends because of what they may have to compromise and make their trip a bad one, which would affect how I view it too.
Then I did not want to upset my mother.
It all boils down to me not wanting to upset anyone because I would be severely affected if they were.
That is, technically, very selfish.
I do not know what to do anymore.
Lost, angsty, blur, throwing my temper around.
It is definitely that time of the month.
LEAVE ME BE.

♣

2009/10/13 || 5:33 am

And I could not help myself but to walk all the way (it is not that far actually) with the laptop to use the internet.

The urge and need to blog has overcome all else.

The attempt was in futile yet once more.

But I shall not depair.

~~Psychology Paper 1~~

~~Law Paper 1~~

Now for

15/10 - Mathematics Paper 1

16/10 - Law Paper 2, Psychology Paper 2

19/10 - General Paper

04-11 - Mathematics Paper 6

I have 5 more papers to go, from the initial pool of 7.

I have already one quarter done, and by Thursday, almost halfway through and by the weekend, I am more than half done.

By Monday afternoon, I would have only one paper left and I will be on my way home soon afterwards, only coming back for the paper on 4th by 2nd.

There is an acute need to pack but there is a strong feeling of procrastination which I cannot shake off, as usual.

I want my epilator from Jusco.

I want what my daddy promised to get me. (I'm excited!)

I want the perfume that my daddy thinks is nice.

I want the exams to finish and end.

I want to go home.

I like my new hair clips. =D

12/10/09

Bleahbleah.

It is the start of a new day and I need to study and do math.

Shall be off then. Nothing new on fb or my emails.

BORING life.

♣ for one more day

2009/10/11 || 8:38 am

And time flies.

I am already less than a month away from the end of my exams.

Yes, I noticed that even though my exams have not started, I am talking about the end. =P

Tomorrow will be THE day.

Let me break it down for you all.

12/10 - Psychology Paper 1, Law Paper 1

15/10 - Mathematics Paper 1

16/10 - Psychology Paper 2, Law Paper 2

19/10 - General Paper

04/11 - Mathematics Paper 6

Hence, after this week, half my papers will be done and I will be dead happy.

By monday, I will only have 1 paper left, 2 weeks later.

Screw math.

HAHAHA.

Outing with my parents was awesome.

Daddy promised to get a new phone since my old one ~~HIS OLD ONE~~ died.

Will blog about it WHEN I get it.

I am excited about the new house.

Can't wait to have sleepovers.

Singapore people, COME UP ALREADY!

Okay, I should go and study, I have been out and I have been slacking.

I do not want it to be reflected in my results.

AT ALL.

I CAN ACE THIS!!!!!!!!!! ~~right?~~

No one ever said it will be easy,

No one ever said it won't hurt,

but I believed it would work if we tried,

but now I am just going to believe in reality,

and only in things that revolve around HARDWORK.

♣ one more.

2009/10/06 || 4:26 pm

and the lack of internet has not made me any crankier. Perhaps it has actually made me less stressed out. This is a surprise since I sincerely believed I will not survive a week without the internet but I have gone through two weeks with minimal internet service. =)
Life is not always fair, neither is it easy. In fact, many people would agree with me that life is almost never fair and never easy, but that is why life is such a wonderful growing process which we mortals cannot get enough of.
I am not in the best state of mind. It is not just what has happened, it is also the nearing exams, the horrifying prelim results, the terrible interview and the fact that life is going at a pace which I cannot seem to keep up with... I miss being able to catch my breath.
For those who are concerned, I am fine, and alive. Do not worry.
The lack of internet is somewhat not preventable? and yes, this is how it will remain for the time being. Feel free to email or facebook me. OR just leave a tag and I will tag back at your blog.
I do love you all.
Signing off with a slightly heavy heart, but yet relieved to be over and done with this post.
Toodleoos~

♣

2009/10/02 || 3:20 am

and what is the password to your 7 minutes in heaven?

but time has flown by and in 10 days, I will be sitting for my first two papers.. Fear cannot be measured.
I have gotten back my results for mocks and I am sincerely disappointed in my performance. Perhaps I should not have expected much since I did not study like a crazy person but this is certainly poor performance. The mock interview on Monday is only adding to the stress.

I am afraid and I want to go into hiding.
So much to blog about but so little time and lack of internet. =.=

I have never said this to a guy and meant it, but I think I can say it to you... but still, I won't say I am in love.