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♣ and my last word would be...
2009/12/11 || 1:38 pm so I have to get at least a AAB, then I am secured. If I get a AAA, I can get a scholarship. Wow. This is really screwed up. Sometimes I hate how how the only thing that is constant is CHANGE. Cliche, I know, but so true. I bet you'll never know that you're the only person who after I read your blog I feel like crying. These changes are good because they have broadened my horizons and let me be exposed to all the different cultures and experiences in life, but as one who tends to be sucked back into the past, sometimes I feel like I am living too many lives all at once. I turn into Bel when I'm with them but I am Ke En when I am with them and then I turn to Chris when I am with them.. All the different personalities, all the different catching up, all the differences now. I no longer miss you, or you, or you, because what I miss, is what was... not what is.. I no longer know the new you.. and the new you does not really care anymore. The drift is obvious, in more ways than one. In everyone. As usual, it stinks but I will get used to it. I miss things, how they were, but sometimes I wish I had not gone through it all. Maybe have a more normal life. Maybe erase you from my database. Nothing is normal.. is it? I cannot even cry in peace because you were the one who used to sit and emo with me, sit with me through my troubles. I'm not a princess, This ain't a fairytale. because all I feel is you hurting me. It could have all been different. Instead of thinking if you had asked, I would rather think what if you never opened the door that night.. What if Anju never talked to you... What if during Valentine I was just colder and ignored things. I don't like how things turned out but I am supposed to be happy for you, aren't I? Right at this moment, I wish we never become friends. None of the friendships there seem to last. It was so real at that moment but just when I turned my back, it was all gone. It just hurts. I hate you right now. I really do. It comes from deep within the gut. I want to leave this blog, because I do not want you to read anything from my blog anymore. I am cutting you off slowly. Perhaps you will not even notice it. =) Just slowly fade away and disappear. Goodbye. |
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2009/12/10 || 3:04 pm Sometimes religion is a double edged sword. Bleah. |
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2009/12/07 || 12:24 pm Sometimes I wonder.. Does having a boyfriend mean the end of blogging? I seem to see it in many friends.. It does make me wonder... does having a boyfriend really take up so much time and energy? Maybe it is in a pleasant way, but it does scare me that the point of blogging to many is a release or an outlet, or even to keep in touch with friends.. So having a boyfriend means losing all of this? Perhaps not entirely but slowly? This is a scary thought, especially if one despises it but thinks one will be guilty of it one FINE day. Daddy brought up the idea of twinning. Perhaps it is meant to be a subtle threat, camouflaged under a joke, but I took it decently. Doubt is starting to creep up on me and fear shrouding my thoughts... but I try to look at the bright side that I have a nice new house to live in.. if I do twinning.. and I will get to be with my family more.. At least another year. My dear coco not as cute any more, but very smart and on her way to become a real DOG! LOL... I have decided not to blog about what I initially set out to.. and my attempt to change the blogskin has failed. BLEAH. |
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2009/12/06 || 8:18 am Here is a picture of the couples. LOL... =) We have very few pictures from that day/night and in all of them I look like a disaster. LOL.. Every birthday is a disaster or near one!  but here's when I went to Kayu when Jean, Nutty, Em and Steph had supper with me. =D Check out the super long Roti Tisu  But anyway, here are the most adorable cupcakes Emily and U Jean got for me. =D  This is the first one I ate  so I took a few pictures of it, the rest I just shared with my parents.  I guess it was always expected but I was hoping not to receive it so soon.. and yet I wanted to know. I received it on my birthday but only read it two days after (thankfully). It was actually a really sweet letter, personal and really polite, nothing like those generic "apologies" but the disappointment stings. Reading - AAB Nottingham Kings Oxford so two more offers to go.. Wish me luck... |
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2009/12/05 || 9:51 am Posting more videos of my darlings up to facebook. =) I hope blogger has a App store application soon. I don't really know what to blog about. Toodles. |
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2009/12/02 || 2:41 pm So I thought I should spend the last few hours of my 18th blogging about my feelings and sentiments.. As if I don't normally blog anyway... =P It's been sometime since I blog, or so it feels because I have not been consistently blogging everyday. However, days have been great until today. I must admit this day was completely ruined and I went into a fit. I tried calling RuiAnn but she did not pick up, but it cannot be helped since she is in Hong Kong and she did call on Tuesday =) I tried calling Gracia but as usual I did not get to her. I was waiting for a few replies which never came. I tried calling TY who did not hear but ended up telling Steph to tell me he did not hear which pissed me off but it is only because I am pissed off already. And I took a chance and I got through to NyonNyon, bitch like crazy, must have looked deranged to Nutty, Steph and Tarsha, but I felt immensely better afterwards, and went into super tired mode and was very quiet.. I still feel a little off right now.. Seeing all those wishes? It kind of feels weird because it is not even my birthday yet. It IS weird. and to all my friends who read my blog, just in case any of you commit (yes, COMMIT) this mistake that a friend of mine did, I AM TURNING 19. Not 18, not TWENTY. but that is it from me, until Friday or something. =) Hopefully tomorrow won't be as terrifying because I won't have to see you. I wonder why I still bother with all you ppl and I wonder even more why you still affect me so. |
